John Toast Pun Thrower

If it's a horrible pun told in a Tom Servo voice, it's probably John. His turn-ons include MMA poetry written by inflated Juggalo otherkin, and his turn-offs include Mexican vampires that engage in kino as part of a homosexual bait-and-switch. He also likes long walks on the beach, but only if the beach was somehow teleported into the middle of an anime convention. If you'd like a date with John Servo, simply beat him in a video game. That oughta win his heart!
John is never seen without his giant, fluffy white coat and is drawn to the scent of waffle fries. He also suffers from a condition known simply as "Dot Eyes."