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The F Plus' Race For Ridiculism

F Plus Race For Ridiculism

Do you want to be a guest reader on The F Plus? Well, now’s your chance, pal. This is The F Plus’ Race For Ridiculism.

THE SHORT VERSION

To enter, we need you to provide us with an episode’s worth of material, as well as a short (2 to 3 minute) MP3 of you reading a selection from that material. If we like your content and you don’t sound like Basil Marceux, then you’re ready for The Big Time. You get to spend an evening mocking other people with half a dozen other judgemental nerds who take great joy in such things, plus Lemon will send you some sort of prize.

The Race Concludes Friday, April 6th when a winner will be announced and somebody will be made slightly more e-famous than they were when they started. To enter, e-mail all your content to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , and multiple winners may be selected, depending on how this whole thing shakes out.

THE LONGER VERSION

Over the past couple months, I’ve received quite a few e-mails from people asking if they could be guest readers on a future episode on The F Plus. Also, looking through our submissions, we’ve received some pieces of really excellent content, but in a lot of cases they’ve been isolated bits, and we haven’t been able to make them work in a larger episode theme.

So the Race For Ridiculism should address both these issues, and people like contests anyway, don’t they? Let’s do some Q&A...

Q: What do you need?

  1. You need to provide us with a full episode’s worth of material. That means something that it’ll take about an hour and a half for us to read through (with our usual asides), as we typically record for two hours. Ideally all the content you put together should have some sort of theme to it. I’m assuming if you’re reading this you’ve heard what F Plus material usually sounds like, so I shouldn’t need to explain it any further. Put these together in a document of your choosing (Google Documents, word doc, body of an e-mail, whatever you like) including both links and the actual text of the content to be read, and send all that along to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
  2. In addition to your content, we’ll also need a short (somewhere from 2 to 3 minutes) MP3 of you reading a selection from that content. Honestly, we just want to know what you sound like. Send that to the same e-mail address.

We record our episodes at 9PM central on the weekends, the day of recording changing somewhat depending on availability. We do it all through Skype and you’ll need either a headset or a combination of microphone and headphones.

Q: What do I get?

  1. You get to count yourself among a select group of people who call themselves F Plus Ridiculists. This means you’ll get to spend an evening with half a dozen other miscreants who judge each other as harshly as we judge our subjects. This is probably more pleasant than it sounds.
  2. You’ll get to have your voice heard by the couple thousand people who listen to The F Plus on a regular basis. How many listeners exactly? Well, the exact number is somewhere between the population of Des Moines, IA and the population of Strawberry Point, IA. I’m afraid we can’t be more specific than that.
  3. A listing on our Ridiculists page, alongside Burlesque superstar Ophelia Flame and America’s first Real Doll repairman, Lou Fernandez. Also if you’ve got something to promote, we’ll put a word in.
  4. Lemon will send you somethingorother. To be honest, he’s not sure what he’s going to send out yet, but it should be a fairly interesting memento of your time when you yelled at the internet with the rest of us.
  5. You'll just get lover like any other, that's what you get.

Q: What sort of content should I try to find?

If you’ve listened to the F Plus, you should have a fairly good idea of the kind of stuff we’re looking for: Fetishists, weird subcultures, conspiracy theorists, forums where everyone is an idiot, poorly written stories, deluded egomaniacs... it might be difficult to show us something that we haven’t seen before, but try to get something that might be new to some of our listeners. Your theme can be tenuous if needed, but there should be an overall concept tying all the material together.

Anything we haven’t already read is fair game. If there’s stuff that you’ve submitted but we haven’t gotten to it yet, find more of that and send it in.

Okay, that’s enough text.

Damn right it is. Any other questions you can leave in the comments. You’ve got a couple weeks before Friday April 6th, but I’d recommend you get started now.

C’mon, now. Open a new tab, fer chrissakes.

Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:33
 

Episode 69: The State of the Micronation Is Strong

READERS: Boots Raingear, Jimmyfranks, Bunnybread. Portaxx, John, and Lemon.

Edited by Boots Raingear

As politcal rhetoric becomes increasingly rancorous and the division between politcal ideals divides wider so that no plausible middle ground can be reached, there are some people out there that feel that existing within a pre-established democracy just isn't going to work out, and that it's probably better to just start a new country from scratch. For all of these people, from the founders of Sealand to Sarah Palin's husband to those Libertarians in the 80's who got invaded by Tonga, results have been fairly discouraging. However, none of those people have ever made their own wiki site to explain their pitch, so things are probably looking up for the Federated Commonwealth of Malatora. This week, The F Plus learns that existence is futile.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER
  1. What is FedCom?
  2. The Federated Commonwealth Defense Force
  3. Malatoran Geology and Geography
  4. The Cytran Project
  5. Available Cytran Models
  6. Malatoran News And Milestones
  7. The Dragon's Mantra
  8. Requirements To Become A Cytran
  9. Cytran Models: A Closer Look
  10. Hello
  11. Kingdom Of Espen Constitution
  12. The Cytran Project FAQs

MUSIC USED

  • Talking Heads - Don't Worry About The Government
  • Woody Guthrie - This Land Is Your Land
  • Dio - Killing the Dragon (with armor piercing bullets)


Last Updated on Sunday, 11 March 2012 17:55
 

Lemon's On The $50 Pyramid

$50 Pyramid
$50 Pyramid

Just a note for any of you who might be in the Minneapolis area and looking for something to do... Monday, March 5th, Lemon will be one of the two celebrity guests trying to help some lucky contestant to climb the $50 Pyramid. What is the $50 Pyramid? Well, it's a lot like the $10,000 Pyramid, except much lower stakes, and a lot more booze. It's hosted by Ian (of TV's Drinking With Ian), and Lemon's opponent will be Minnesota comedian Raleigh Weld.

A good time should be had by some, particularly the person who I help win $50, and myself on account of getting free drinks with my celebrity status. Finally this podcast thing is paying off!

Shit jumps off at 10PM at Club Jäger in Minneapolis. Here it is on Facebook if you like Mark Zuckerberg knowing your plans.

Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:33
 

Episode 68: The Episode Is Coming From Inside Your House!





READERS: Jimmyfranks, Acierocolotl, John. Portaxx, Kumquatxop, Zarla Sheenaza, and Lemon.

Edited by Isfahan

The psychology and thematic considerations of "What Makes For Good Horror?" is something often discussed at length by people you probably don't want to associate yourself with. Obviously they may argue amongst themselves over minutae, but will usually cite a construction of tension, a feeling of malevolence, a spirit of helplessness, and no fewer than six bare breasts as the essential elements for finely constructed, timeless horror. The stories contained within this episode have none of these things, relying instead on grammatical errors and poor plot construction for a different feeling of unease entirely. This week, she melted. Seriously: she melted!

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER
  1. Special Meat
  2. Teacher Teacher
  3. Zach and Megan
  4. DOOM: Repercussions of Evil
  5. DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD, written by Jonathan Wojcik
  6. AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT
  7. Can You Smell Fear?
  8. Dripping
  9. Like the Raven
  10. Barney
  11. Candy
  12. Cursed
  13. Minecraft Pixels
  14. Cats

MUSIC USED

  • Alice Cooper - Welcome to My Nightmare
  • Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party
  • Gnarls Barkley - The Boogie Monster


Last Updated on Monday, 10 December 2012 12:51
 

Video Game Update

I just want to pass along the information that Killing Floor is 3 bucks today on Steam.

I'm just mentioning that in case, at some point in the future, you might find yourself having a reason to play Killing Floor.

Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:33
 

Episode 67: Where Can I Find A Tailor For These Pinstripe Balls?



READERS: Boots Raingear, Nutshell Gulag, Bunnybread, Acierocolotl, Portaxx, Kumquatxop, Isfahan, and John.

Edited by Acierocolotl

For as long as man has had conscious thought, he has thought about sex, and this has certainly been reflected in his literary themes. From the literate but hypermasculine rememberances of Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer, to the literate but impishly comedic creations of Voltaire's Candide to the not-at-all literate nor interesting fap material in John Cleland's Fanny Hill, erotic writing has had a storied history inside the pages of legitimate fiction. But fortunately, the English published Literary Review has helpfully highlighted some of the least impressive examples for us to lend our voices to. This week, the F Plus is on top of you, Skinner.

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All content for this episode was collected by The Literary Review for their annual Bad Sex In Writing Award. For a full look at the stuff we looked through, sift through this Google Doc Acier put together.


Last Updated on Tuesday, 28 February 2012 23:15
 

Teaser Video #2

The New Face of Survival Horror


Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:33
 

Episode 66: As Normal As The Cosby Show (with Ted Kaczynski)

READERS: Isfahan, Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, Jimmyfranks, STOG, Nutshell Gulag, and Lemon.

Content for this episode was suggested by montrith.

Edited by STOG

The modern world is one of isolation. As citizens of The First World, we are increasingly given license to socialize with whom we want, experience the things we choose, and create communities where we notice one lacking. As this happens, the concept of the status quo fades into a more abstract concept, and people start to wonder if they're normal being who they are. Looking for guidence, they turn to the internet, which is problematic because asking the internet what's normal is like.... asking the internet what's normal. If there's a better corollary I haven't thought of it. This week, The F Plus discovers new ways to take peyote.

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PIECES READ, NOT IN ORDER

  1. What is the weirdest place you've urinated?
  2. Do you feel accomplished when squeezing out a blackhead?
  3. Is it normal Call of Duty is more fun than my Girlfriend?
  4. My mom pooped herself during birth, IIN?
  5. Is it normal to Love Someone Not Real?
  6. Is it normal to see a cactus and want to sit on it?
  7. Is it normal that I like to eat clean cat litter?
  8. Is it normal to dress as a girl and wear diapers?
  9. Sniff a pretty girls seat cushion?
  10. Is it normal that my dad found something
  11. My teacher tried to screw me over part 1 of 2
  12. My teacher tried to screw me over part 2 of 2
  13. Sonic the Hedgehog?
  14. Is it normal to get a boner from this?
  15. Is it normal to like guys like this.
  16. Is it normal for a white man to marry a black woman...
  17. Is god a certain color?
  18. IIN a person like me be almost perfect ?
Music Used:
  • Bing Crosby - Aren't You Glad You're You? (Sesame Street version)
  • Renaldo and the Loaf - The Bread Song
  • Music selections from the Border Television Startup Sequence (1980s)
  • Chriddof - Cover of Samba Pa Ti (by Santana)

Something I learned today: A Google Image Search for "normal" leads to surprisingly unpleasant results.


Last Updated on Thursday, 09 February 2012 10:28
 

So, here's something we've been working on

More details coming soon.

Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:34
 

Episode 65: God Bless You, Water Woman.





READERS: Victor Laszlo, STOG, John, Isfahan, Portaxx, Jack Chick, and Lemon.

Edited by Isfahan

The Sasquatch (or "Bigfoot", if you're prone to epithets) is a large ape-like creature which typically finds its home in the Pacific Northwest where it somethimes poses for blurry photographs. Also it can read and write. Also it has sixth sense. Also it exists both in our world and in another dimension which has neither shape nor form. Also it lives among The Star People. Also it can teleport. Also it farts a lot. Also it can shape shift. Also it actually exists. Look, the point here is that dolphin expert Joan Ocean has a website which introduced all to the beauty of nature, and now we want to teach others about it. This week, The F Plus starts to apologize for that long hiatus.

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PIECES READ, IN ORDER

  1. About Dolphins
  2. Joan Meets The Sasquatch: Parts I & II
  3. Joan Meets The Sasquatch: Part III
  4. The Ancient Ones and Quantum Living
  5. Joan Ocean's 2012 Seminars on Dolphins
Music Used:
  • Enigma - Dream of the Dolphin
  • Buddy Knox - Bigfoot Is the Name
  • Fats Waller - Your Feet's Too Big
  • Tenacious D - Sasquatch
  • Dolphin Communication Project - The Dolphin Species Song


Last Updated on Tuesday, 31 January 2012 20:27
 


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