Episode 129: You May Now Fistbump The Spouse

with Boots Raingear, Jack Chick, Victor Laszlo, Frank West, and Lemon.

Content for this episode was compiled by Cheapskate (Cheapskate Reviews Free Media)

Edited by Boots Raingear.

As social mores have changed in the past century, the wedding has evolved dramatically. No longer is it a dogmatic ceremony of tradition, but it can be a celebration of love, community and family. Or it can simply be a fun party. Or, with the internet's help, it could just be another vain blog entry where you explain to a hostaged crowd what a special snowflake you are. This week, The F Plus can't stop laughing (our tongues turned blue!)


MUSIC USED
  1. Billy Idol - White Wedding
  2. The Replacements - Nobody
Last Updated on Sunday, 11 May 2014 22:50  

Comments   

 
0 #51 yellow jester 2014-05-05 13:43
Quoting MeaninglessWhining:
As someone currently planning a somewhat "non-traditional" wedding this one just kinda disappoints me. I know my opinion on it doesn't matter, but I was more looking forward to people who were really up their asses and passive aggressive and bitchy about their wedding. A lot of these people seemed to just be trying to make their super expensive party something they always wanted without really hurting anyone. Eh, whatever.

start with bridezillas.com
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+3 #50 fortheloveofshrek 2014-03-29 17:17
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+1 #49 MeaninglessWhining 2014-03-11 18:49
Quoting jim derogatis taint:

If you could have sat through any of these weddings and not felt true existential hurt then you have an iron constitution.


I guess it's more because I know it costs like 50-80 bucks a plate at least for shit like this and it's like, "If I'm paying 60 bucks for your ass to be at my wedding you can put up with some crap that makes me happy." As said in the episode, it's not like anyone forced people to come.

Again, this is just my opinion which is ultimately meaningless. I'm just saying this one disappointed me. I'm stupidly stressed planning my own and when I heard the episode I just sorta felt let down considering how much bratty nonsense there is in the "wedding business" that's a lot worse. But hey, if you enjoyed it, that's fine. I just didn't.
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+2 #48 popoffs micropenis 2014-03-11 13:38
Quoting jack fuckin chick:
come on! there's plenty of space for creativity in metal weddings.

"After Cronus finished reading us our custom vows, the leather biker group headed by Rob Halford revved their engines as we kissed! We cut our cake (assorted animal flesh decorated with chrome frosting) with the very chainsaw used at the beginning of Black Metal, and then went to the dance floor/orgy hall, where CBT played all of our favorite love songs! XD"
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+1 #47 jack fuckin chick 2014-03-11 13:29
come on! there's plenty of space for creativity in metal weddings. i can see a reception in which the groom leads the bridal party in a sick version of "Bewitched" by Candlemass!

but srs the only guy with any cred in that photo is iron maiden. that's the deathcore cryptopsy album and blind guardian is horrible. 666 characters used
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0 #46 nofrenk 2014-03-10 19:50
Quoting dodoman1:
It took me about three readings to realize that Frank West was saying "I just love tears at a wedding" while reading Kerry's comment, and not "Bitches love tears at a wedding".

I would not put that past him.
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0 #45 dodoman1 2014-03-10 19:29
It took me about three readings to realize that Frank West was saying "I just love tears at a wedding" while reading Kerry's comment, and not "Bitches love tears at a wedding".
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+1 #44 Cuddlesquid 2014-03-09 23:01
Quoting AlbieQuirky:
There was a couple who was spending $15,000 on a wedding with no guests. Literally no guests; the hired videographer and photographers were going to be the witnesses. Then the couple, the celebrant, and the videographer and photographers were going to sit down to a catered dinner. It was very o_O indeed.

My parents did this. Mom and Dad got married on Dad's lunch break, my grandpa took about three pictures, and then they all had sandwiches.

It probably cost my mom and dad less than $100, though, because they didn't order gold-plated osso bucco or whatever the fuck.
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+1 #43 BootsRaingear 2014-03-09 19:44
Quoting elvis who eats dooks:

I looked it up too, and I forgot to thank Boots. You have opened my eyes to the world of transgressive Elvis-based performance art. It is now my calling and chosen profession.


I probably should have added a "don't google this at work" disclaimer.
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+2 #42 AlbieQuirky 2014-03-09 19:21
Quoting Duster:
Quoting geegollygosh:
Quoting MeaninglessWhining:
I was more looking forward to people who were really up their asses and passive aggressive and bitchy about their wedding.


I am sure these people exist and that there could be an f+ submission about them. If in the process of planning your wedding you find them, let us know!

[....] I'm pretty sure it's theknot.com. My sister would know the best horrific threads, I'll see if she still has the thread about the bride that found out her husband was an adult baby a year into their marriage.


Weddingbee.com is also fucking hilarious.

There was a couple who was spending $15,000 on a wedding with no guests. Literally no guests; the hired videographer and photographers were going to be the witnesses. Then the couple, the celebrant, and the videographer and photographers were going to sit down to a catered dinner. It was very o_O indeed.
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+4 #41 elvis who eats dooks 2014-03-09 16:31
Quoting Bardic Feline:
I would like you to know that, out of sheer curiosity, I googled "extreme elvis".
...when will I ever learn to NOT look these things up?
arrggh forever burned into my retinas...

I looked it up too, and I forgot to thank Boots. You have opened my eyes to the world of transgressive Elvis-based performance art. It is now my calling and chosen profession.
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0 #40 Bardic Feline 2014-03-09 15:22
I would like you to know that, out of sheer curiosity, I googled "extreme elvis".
...when will I ever learn to NOT look these things up?
arrggh forever burned into my retinas...
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+4 #39 AgentCoop 2014-03-09 07:56
Quoting MicroMissles:
Quoting forthelove:
The first GIS image for "metalhead wearing tuxedo":

And one of the images from "metalhead wedding":



A metal wedding and not a single Skeletonwitch or Mercyful Fate shirt, but with Tool, RHCP and King's X shirts. I turn my nose up at these HERETICS! If they want a metal wedding they could have also gone full garb. Any metal wedding where the best man isn't dressed like a Manowar barbarian is not a metal wedding.


A metal wedding that doesn't open with a reading from "Don't Break The Oath" must be one of those newfangled "non-traditiona list" metal weddings. I bet not even one Hail Satan was shouted as the couple made their vows.
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+4 #38 MicroMissles 2014-03-09 00:46
Quoting forthelove:
The first GIS image for "metalhead wearing tuxedo":

And one of the images from "metalhead wedding":



A metal wedding and not a single Skeletonwitch or Mercyful Fate shirt, but with Tool, RHCP and King's X shirts. I turn my nose up at these HERETICS! If they want a metal wedding they could have also gone full garb. Any metal wedding where the best man isn't dressed like a Manowar barbarian is not a metal wedding.
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+4 #37 Duster 2014-03-06 15:08
Quoting geegollygosh:
Quoting MeaninglessWhining:
I was more looking forward to people who were really up their asses and passive aggressive and bitchy about their wedding.


I am sure these people exist and that there could be an f+ submission about them. If in the process of planning your wedding you find them, let us know!

I'll have to ask my sister but she found a wedding message board while she was planning hers that fits your criteria. I'm pretty sure it's theknot.com. My sister would know the best horrific threads, I'll see if she still has the thread about the bride that found out her husband was an adult baby a year into their marriage.
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+5 #36 jim derogatis taint 2014-03-04 23:43
Quoting MeaninglessWhining:
A lot of these people seemed to just be trying to make their super expensive party something they always wanted without really hurting anyone.

If you could have sat through any of these weddings and not felt true existential hurt then you have an iron constitution.
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+3 #35 geegollygosh 2014-03-04 22:52
Quoting MeaninglessWhining:
I was more looking forward to people who were really up their asses and passive aggressive and bitchy about their wedding.


I am sure these people exist and that there could be an f+ submission about them. If in the process of planning your wedding you find them, let us know!
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0 #34 MeaninglessWhining 2014-03-04 18:21
As someone currently planning a somewhat "non-traditiona l" wedding this one just kinda disappoints me. I know my opinion on it doesn't matter, but I was more looking forward to people who were really up their asses and passive aggressive and bitchy about their wedding. A lot of these people seemed to just be trying to make their super expensive party something they always wanted without really hurting anyone. Eh, whatever.
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+3 #33 AlbieQuirky 2014-03-03 15:43
This is one of my favorite episodes ever. eXtreme Elvis, jeweler-maddeni ng Möbius rings, Hufflepuffs posing as Ravenclaws, and Jack Chick's vow of eternal bachelorhood and more metal shows? Oh, yeah!
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+9 #32 dodoman1 2014-03-01 11:58
Quoting Duster:
I don't understand why an open bar is important. Just get drunk before you even get there, problem solved!

Joe and Schmoe's Drunk Driving Fatality Wedding
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+7 #31 BootsRaingear 2014-03-01 11:58
Quoting AgentCoop:
Geanted, I am a pretty big fan of Twin Peaks, but the only respectable David Lynch based wedding choice is Blue Velvet.

Do you have the ring?
I have an ear.
A human ear?
Yes
That's a human ear alright. YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.
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+5 #30 Gimnbo 2014-03-01 01:13
Quoting Duster:
I don't understand why an open bar is important. Just get drunk before you even get there, problem solved!

But there has to be a way to stay drunk. Otherwise you sober up and realize where you are.
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0 #29 AgentCoop 2014-02-28 21:48
Quoting AgentCoop:
Geanted*,I am a pretty big fan of Twin Peaks, but the only respectable David Lynch based wedding choice is Blue Velvet.


*granted
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+6 #28 AgentCoop 2014-02-28 21:46
Geanted, I am a pretty big fan of Twin Peaks, but the only respectable David Lynch based wedding choice is Blue Velvet.
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0 #27 Duster 2014-02-28 19:43
I don't understand why an open bar is important. Just get drunk before you even get there, problem solved!
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+3 #26 Reginald Charming 2014-02-27 23:28
I just want to see the RHCP shirt guy get beat up on principle.
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+2 #25 lester bangs urethra 2014-02-27 17:20
Quoting Lé Mon:
Quoting forthelove:
And one of the images from "metalhead wedding":

I hope Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt got beat up after this photo was taken.

Yeah because King's X shirt guy and Tool shirt guy would totally have a leg to stand on in that situation. Face it, none of these guys are worthy to wear Jack Chick's overstock of Steve Grimmet's Grim Reaper (not the original) t-shirts.
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0 #24 forthelove 2014-02-27 15:37
Quoting Not Mrs Portaxx:
the annoying ubernerds who don't want folks taking pictures of their fucking fairy-princess-steampunk-cartoon weddings, under the pretense that it'd compromise the sanctity of the event.

You've met enough of these sorts people, that you know why they act the way they do, and you know that there's a lot of them out there. I don't envy you...
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0 #23 Old_Zircon 2014-02-26 22:59
Wow, congratulations on finding stuff even more painful than the hyper-tradition al weddings I've been stuck participating in.
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0 #22 geegollygosh 2014-02-26 22:43
Quoting pro feminist:
It's driving me fucking crazy that Harry Potter Bride's shrug is 3 too small. They're easy to find in plus sizes, so she's just failing to understand how clothes work.


Wasn't the shrug made for her by her mother? It's possible the bride did not get to choose the size.
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