Episode 106: Asgard Doesn't Have Alimony Laws

with Boots Raingear, Adam Bozarth, Jimmyfranks, Kumquatxop, and Lemon.

Edited by Lemon

Content for this episode was provided by Erminea Heart, Gaylord McHappenstance, and Sherlockian

Love is a curious thing. The thing that drives two people together into a passionate embrace is as complicated as it is powerful. But the thing that drives one person to claim that they're married to a Norse god? That's called "being a crazy person". We're taking a look at Lokiwives and godspouses: People who claim to be in a polygamous relationship with one or more gods, and report that the sex is terrific. This week, wherever you go, whatever you do, these people still won't make any sense.

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MUSIC USED
  1. Nouvelle Vague - Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn'tve)
  2. FC Kahuna - Bleep Freak
  3. Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting
  4. Danzig - Brand New God
  5. Lemon singing U2's "In God's Country"
ADDITIONAL FUN

Last Updated on Monday, 27 January 2014 09:25  

Comments   

 
+15 #37 ForTheLokiLove 2013-08-20 18:30
Oh Odin, this episode had me laughing like a lunatic.

Yeah, Hanna Barbara / Asgard crossover! Slashin' the Fuck up bb!
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ALL SEX IS COMPLETELY 500% CONSENSUAL. 1000000000000% CONSENSUAL. I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW CONSENSUAL IT IS.
Remember people, neinn means neinn!
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+2 #36 Tophat 2013-08-04 17:04
I'd just like to say I really loved this episode; keep producing top quality content guys!
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+2 #35 Juliq 2013-08-02 00:03
I wonder if any tumblrites are godspouses with the Norse gods as portrayed in Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul. Like, "Yeah I got banged by Odin, but I had to do his laundry first because he can only get a boner from clean white linen sheets."

Quoting Sun Smasher:
At certain points, this line just kept playing in my head.
www.youtube.com/.../

I knew I couldn't be the only one who thought of that scene!
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+1 #34 Sun Smasher 2013-07-29 13:15
At certain points, this line just kept playing in my head.
www.youtube.com/.../
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0 #33 sku 2013-07-28 00:39
also, this is the second time this week i've seen somebody say "inside baseball" and i'm wondering how the fuck that got in vogue again
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0 #32 sku 2013-07-28 00:38
Quoting Max:

Yeah, there's been a few sites I considered submitting but ended up giving up on because of that factor. People complaining about things and being wrong is funny to me, but generally if you need to spend more time reading background to understand the episode than it takes to listen to the episode it's not going to make sense to put in an episode.


that's why an episode about street fighter iv balance changes, though while i'd appreciate it, would just be 50 minutes of explaining frames and "kara throws" and then 10 of people getting pissy about yun and akuma
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0 #31 Max 2013-07-27 21:45
Quoting Lé Mon:

That's not gonna happen.

I can see what you'd be looking forward to, but stuff like that frequently ends up too inside-baseball to really get a solid appeal. Broadly, someone saying that some restructuring of some aspect of the game is pretty much like what Hitler did with the Jews, sure, that's fun. But an hour of guys complaining about class balance? I don't wanna read that.

Yeah, there's been a few sites I considered submitting but ended up giving up on because of that factor. People complaining about things and being wrong is funny to me, but generally if you need to spend more time reading background to understand the episode than it takes to listen to the episode it's not going to make sense to put in an episode.
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+5 #30 Lé Mon 2013-07-27 10:46
Quoting Cleretic:
Quoting Max:
I've never annoyed you on facebook and I'd have loved to hear you read someone get angry about League of Legends, I love that game and I've read a lot of people getting mad about it.

I'd like an episode of people getting angry about League of Legends, especially in the arena of comparisons to Dota 2.

That's not gonna happen.

I can see what you'd be looking forward to, but stuff like that frequently ends up too inside-baseball to really get a solid appeal. Broadly, someone saying that some restructuring of some aspect of the game is pretty much like what Hitler did with the Jews, sure, that's fun. But an hour of guys complaining about class balance? I don't wanna read that.
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+1 #29 Cleretic 2013-07-27 05:35
Quoting Max:
I've never annoyed you on facebook and I'd have loved to hear you read someone get angry about League of Legends, I love that game and I've read a lot of people getting mad about it.

I'd like an episode of people getting angry about League of Legends, especially in the arena of comparisons to Dota 2.

Entirely so I can understand that rivalry, because LoL players seem to be just fucking PISSED about Dota 2, but the other side of the conflict is a lot less vitriolic about it. I mean they'll still get mad at you if you call a hero a champion, but otherwise they seem not to care.
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+1 #28 Ansemaru 2013-07-27 01:36
Quoting A Meat:
I keep returning to the same sort of questions with these imaginary head people. Why is it only the well known gods that get all these spouses? Why can't it be more interesting gods like Tlazolteotl, goddess of hot baths, adultery and STDs?

Actually, my question probably is "Where did all the creativity go?" We need more people who believe things like the fact that Laura Ingalls Wilder is god.


I'm actually the godspouse of Laura Ingalls Wilder.
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+6 #27 pokelokiwife 2013-07-26 19:45
Being married to Loki and being married to Reshiram seem oddly similar.
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+3 #26 sku 2013-07-26 14:53
Quoting montrith:
Most Finnish god tend to be old men with beards who are already in a monogamous relationship, so they're not nearly sexy enough. They also mostly deal with stuff like hunting, fishing and getting along with trees and animals, and that doesn't make for very good comic books.


so what you're saying is Mark Trail is a modern-day interpretation of Finnish lore
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+3 #25 Spider Truffle 2013-07-26 11:05
I feel cheated that you didn't cover the Lokean that's had several astral miscarriages.
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+3 #24 montrith 2013-07-26 06:54
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Because these people are as creative as silt
That's an insult to silt, frankly.

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I just checked a bunch of tags, and apparently there is not a single blog on tumblr that deals with the Finnish pantheon. Not one.
Most Finnish god tend to be old men with beards who are already in a monogamous relationship, so they're not nearly sexy enough. They also mostly deal with stuff like hunting, fishing and getting along with trees and animals, and that doesn't make for very good comic books. Now Finnish goddesses, on the other hand, would make for very interesting godspouses. We have like ten goddesses of pain, suffering and death.
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+1 #23 September 2013-07-26 00:15
Quoting A Meat:
I keep returning to the same sort of questions with these imaginary head people. Why is it only the well known gods that get all these spouses? Why can't it be more interesting gods like Tlazolteotl, goddess of hot baths, adultery and STDs?

Actually, my question probably is "Where did all the creativity go?" We need more people who believe things like the fact that Laura Ingalls Wilder is god.

Because these people are as creative as silt, and Germanic neopaganism is what's most trendy right now.

I just checked a bunch of tags, and apparently there is not a single blog on tumblr that deals with the Finnish pantheon. Not one.

It's all blah blah Thor, blah blah Loki, occasionally blah blah Freyr.

Fuck that noise. I'm going to go snort coke off the Kalevala and godspouse myself to Perkele. (One of my grandpas is a Finn, so this totally counts as connecting with The Ancestors.)
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+3 #22 A Meat 2013-07-25 23:35
I keep returning to the same sort of questions with these imaginary head people. Why is it only the well known gods that get all these spouses? Why can't it be more interesting gods like Tlazolteotl, goddess of hot baths, adultery and STDs?

Actually, my question probably is "Where did all the creativity go?" We need more people who believe things like the fact that Laura Ingalls Wilder is god.
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+7 #21 Sex Bomb 2013-07-25 23:07
I've gotta say I was shocked that this started before Thor came out. Are the posts actually dated before Tom Hiddleston won all of our hearts or are these people just saying "Oh I've totally been into to Loki since, like, forever."
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+2 #20 buttsauce 2013-07-25 22:53
I'm not sure whether my favorite joke was Mike Tyson's Ghost, Ulililia Listens to Richard Marx, or Mario Kart.

But seriously, something magical was going on. something...DIVINE?

(spoilers: no)
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+4 #19 Mistress Eva 2013-07-25 21:22
Also why not a "richard marx" tag?
I make fun because I'm really just jealous that no gods, Norse or otherwise, have ever written & performed songs under the guise of professional singers in order to serenade me and express their undying love.
What does one have to do to garner the romantic attention of the gods?! Am I not doughy enough? Do I not write enough terrible steampunk fiction? Is it because I am not pagan? Obviously, they are not aware that I can suck a wicked imaginary dick. Also, I will do imaginary anal.
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+1 #18 Mistress Eva 2013-07-25 21:11
I literally almost peed my pants laughing so hard when that crazy, crazy person had her great epiphany that the song she's loved for all those years was really being sung to her by Loki.
This was an epic episode -- of mythical proportions.
Harharhar!
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+1 #17 KingKalamari 2013-07-25 20:19
My astral spouses Llolth and Yog Sothoth think these people be crazay...
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+3 #16 Brimstone 2013-07-25 18:36
It would be hilarious if the Greek gods were real and these people found out just how respectful Zeus was to his lovers.
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+4 #15 Isogloss 2013-07-25 17:41
All of this is just a cover for fucking horses.
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+2 #14 Lé Mon 2013-07-25 17:08
Quoting sku:
there should be a tag for this and the unschooling episode for "husbands reduced to acronyms"

Now there is!
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+4 #13 A Meat 2013-07-25 14:57
Since I have no fucking clue what the Lokiwives actually meant when they mentioned them speaking to Loki, I'm going to assume they're all playing Shin Megami Tensei and are talking to him through the game.
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0 #12 Max 2013-07-25 14:25
I've never annoyed you on facebook and I'd have loved to hear you read someone get angry about League of Legends, I love that game and I've read a lot of people getting mad about it.
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+11 #11 sku 2013-07-25 11:31
there should be a tag for this and the unschooling episode for "husbands reduced to acronyms"
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+5 #10 Lé Mon 2013-07-25 11:26
Quoting Dementrious:
How sad is your life when you're lying about having sex with gods to other people lying about having sex with gods?

Slightly less sad than than your life if it's your wife doing that, and she won't stop talking to you about her "other husband".
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+5 #9 Dementrious 2013-07-25 10:27
How sad is your life when you're lying about having sex with gods to other people lying about having sex with gods?
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+2 #8 DAT ASGARD 2013-07-25 10:12
How are these people not schizophrenic? If these aren't attempts of creative writing, it's on par with people who believe they are talking with "spirits" or who are literally "personal friends" of Jesus.
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