Episode 98: Can't Say I Approve Of Your Methods, Mister Holmes

READERS: Jimmyfranks, Acierocolotl, Portaxx, Bunnybread, Isfahan, and Lemon.

Edited by Lemon

Content for this episode was provided by James Moriarty.

For over a hundred years, the character of Sherlock Holmes has been an inescapable touchstone of Western Culture. The subject of sixty stories written by Arthur Conan Doyle has led to more radio, television film and stage adaptations than even Wikipedia would care to document, and you might say that since those original stories were published, these producers have been making fanfiction. However, it wasn't until the 2010 BBC series that the fanfiction became as creepy as it could be. This week, The F Plus finally figures out spooning.

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MUSIC USED
  1. Sherlock - Opening Titles
  2. FC Kahuna - Bleep Freak
  3. Sherlock - The Game Is On
  4. Morris Day And The Time - Jerk Out

Last Updated on Sunday, 12 May 2013 22:41  

Comments   

 
+2 #48 Miles Beavis 2014-01-07 22:48
Quoting yellow jester:
who cares?

Nobody! Ah, ah, ah!

I know you think you're some kind of hilarious troll, but you really need to fuck off; thanks in advance.
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-5 #47 yellow jester 2014-01-07 21:27
I'm not referring to avoiding sex for external reasons, but to the desire not to have sex. Not because you think sex is dirty, not because it's inconvenient for you, not because you feel that it would add an unwelcome dimension to an existing relationship--o nly because you just don't want to. You can still have functioning erogenous zones; the difference is that there's no one for you to be sexually attracted to. (There seems to be a prevailing attitude that orgasm = sexual attraction, when the two aren't interdependent; physical contact with someone else can be a big orgasm-inhibitor.)

Personally, I see sex as a topic for jokes as well as another entry on the list of things I want no part of, along with team sports and MMO games. That doesn't make me morally superior; it means I'm one of the seven billion examples of human variety.
who cares?

Nobody! Ah, ah, ah!
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+4 #46 life 2013-04-12 13:39
I think people may be getting confused by the characterizatio n of asexuality as a desire to not have sex, as opposed to a lack of desire to have sex. When most people hear of someone desiring to not have sex I think they associate it with hangups, rather than genuine aversion or lack of interest.

Also, regarding the concept of wanting to jerk/jill off to Sherlock getting facefucked or whatever while claiming to be asexual, it's hard for a non-asexual person to not look at that as some kind of abstracted version of sexual attraction. It's not a real person or the real world, but why else would you specifically want Sherlock from the Sherlock TV show to be getting slammed in the face?
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-1 #45 Xenomantid 2013-04-12 12:00
Quote:
Priests aren't asexual, they choose to be celibate and do about the same thing you describe. Come on.
I'm not referring to avoiding sex for external reasons, but to the desire not to have sex. Not because you think sex is dirty, not because it's inconvenient for you, not because you feel that it would add an unwelcome dimension to an existing relationship--o nly because you just don't want to. You can still have functioning erogenous zones; the difference is that there's no one for you to be sexually attracted to. (There seems to be a prevailing attitude that orgasm = sexual attraction, when the two aren't interdependent; physical contact with someone else can be a big orgasm-inhibitor.)

Personally, I see sex as a topic for jokes as well as another entry on the list of things I want no part of, along with team sports and MMO games. That doesn't make me morally superior; it means I'm one of the seven billion examples of human variety.
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+5 #44 Juice Unlimited 2013-04-11 21:16
Quoting Xenomantid:
Quote:
Why not change those things instead of taking pride in lonely celibacy, if you have a normal sex drive? And if you don't, what's the appeal of reading a story about Sherlock Holmes sucking cocks?


While I can't answer your question about an "asexual community," the fact is that the desire to have sex is not a prerequisite for enjoying sexually explicit fiction. If you're perfectly happy with having orgasms on your own and actively wish to keep it that way instead of having sex, then I'd say that "asexual" is a perfectly valid description of your orientation.
By that definition, despite being attracted to men, I've been asexual for the past year or so on account of not wanting to be bothered at this juncture. That rings more as behavior, not an orientation. Priests aren't asexual, they choose to be celibate and do about the same thing you describe. Come on.
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0 #43 Xenomantid 2013-04-08 21:01
Quote:
Why not change those things instead of taking pride in lonely celibacy, if you have a normal sex drive? And if you don't, what's the appeal of reading a story about Sherlock Holmes sucking cocks?
While I can't answer your question about an "asexual community," the fact is that the desire to have sex is not a prerequisite for enjoying sexually explicit fiction. If you're perfectly happy with having orgasms on your own and actively wish to keep it that way instead of having sex, then I'd say that "asexual" is a perfectly valid description of your orientation.

For the specific example of a story about Sherlock performing fellatio, a likely explanation is that the writer's sexual fantasy centers on parties other than herself: she likes the physical pleasure that the mental image gives her, but if she were to enter the scenario, it would cease to be enjoyable, since she would be imagining herself in a sexual situation.
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+4 #42 Junga 2013-04-08 19:57
Quoting Xenomantid:

What, you've never had (or wanted to have) an orgasm without the aid of another person?


Nine or ten times a day, but I don't understand what that has to do with my post. Sex clubs and facefucking aren't masturbation, and fantasizing about other people having sex while you masturbate for pleasure, then turning around and claiming you don't like sex or worse, looking down on people who do, is bizarre.

I don't understand claiming "asexual" as an identity label, or creating an "ace community", if the only difference in you and "sexuals" is that you're too busy to date or too shy or nobody is attracted to you due to your hideous body or personality. Why not change those things instead of taking pride in lonely celibacy, if you have a normal sex drive? And if you don't, what's the appeal of reading a story about Sherlock Holmes sucking cocks?
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+8 #41 Boots Rainghost 2013-04-08 04:27
Quoting boots rip:
Did Boots die during the recording of this episode?

Yeah, but it's okay, I will remain in this earthly plane until everybody has adjusted their microphone position and recording volume to a satisfying level.
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0 #40 Xenomantid 2013-04-07 18:43
Quote:
But how do you "breed" asexuals with anyone? They don't like sex! Which is why they definitely do not read or masturbate to sexually explicit fiction about anonymous sex clubs, "facefucking", and male impregnation. Do not look behind the curtain. No, really, you don't want to.
What, you've never had (or wanted to have) an orgasm without the aid of another person?
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0 #39 boots rip 2013-04-07 17:41
Did Boots die during the recording of this episode?
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+2 #38 Junga 2013-04-07 17:01
But how do you "breed" asexuals with anyone? They don't like sex! Which is why they definitely do not read or masturbate to sexually explicit fiction about anonymous sex clubs, "facefucking", and male impregnation.

Do not look behind the curtain. No, really, you don't want to.
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+2 #37 platedlizard 2013-04-07 00:04
It's like someone took the worst of the tumblr asexual community and somehow bred them with the worst of the Supernatural fandom. I don't understand how this could happen, but it did.
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+4 #36 Trollsemaru 2013-04-04 09:03
Quoting Portaxxstuck:


Homestuck fandom is indeed nutty as all hell, but the episode would have to make sense to the general public. Most Homestuck insanity I've seen is buried in a ton of jargon, character names, typing quirks, and arguments over very specific plot points. A Homestuck episode could theoretically work, but it'd have to be full of madness that the layperson could comprehend.

Not that I wouldn't enjoy the chance to draw the Ridiculists as trolls, because I think the troll designs are cute.


I double-dog-dare you to draw the Ridiculists as trolls. it's not because i'm a homestuck fan or anything
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+2 #35 Freibiergesicht 2013-04-03 09:48
I'm bummed you guys can't do Sex Brood officially but please let us know how to find it if you ever record it on the downlow because holy shit. As I'm sure Portaxx knows, there's already a bit of Sex Brood parody stuff online, including a theme song and some illustrated stuff at "sexbroodillust rated.tumblr.co m" (i think).
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0 #34 Allechenko 2013-04-03 08:03
Quoting Portaxx Brood:
Quoting Kal-Elk:
oh god oh god oh god, the tumblr tag 'cuddle sutra' was linked in my google search and I decided to look at it. What did I do? Do I have a responsibility to patrons to burn the book in case it facilitates tumblr-aces? Please advise.


FUN FACT: I honest to god thought Outlawroad made up the Cuddle Sutra until months later when I found the actual (non-)fucking book online. I only found about 2 pages of it though.

My suggested course of action: Post all the pages of it and share the love.


You can get it here:http://en. bookfi.org/book /1103625
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0 #33 NotHelpingMatters 2013-04-03 06:28
Quoting Naomi:
Quoting NotHelpingMatters:
Really not liking the lack of content links.


All the links are in the Google doc, directly above or below the content itself.


Oh, sweet. Complaint retracted (along with any remaining innocence due to this episode).
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+2 #32 Naomi 2013-04-02 22:00
Quoting NotHelpingMatters:
Really not liking the lack of content links.


All the links are in the Google doc, directly above or below the content itself.
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+8 #31 Calaveron 2013-04-02 21:29
You know, I've never thought that Boots sounded like a Muppet, but for some reason Lemon's Boots imitation is spot on and absolutely uncanny.
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0 #30 NotHelpingMatters 2013-04-02 20:24
Really not liking the lack of content links.
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+11 #29 dodoman1 2013-04-02 18:24
My favorite part of this episode is how Lemon is apparently a Sherlock nerd and has to correct all the non-canon errors in the fics.
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+3 #28 Juice Brood 2013-04-02 14:06
Oh god how much do I like this $3 I could instead spend on a really nice coffee
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+3 #27 Portaxx Brood 2013-04-02 00:11
Quoting Kal-Elk:
oh god oh god oh god, the tumblr tag 'cuddle sutra' was linked in my google search and I decided to look at it. What did I do? Do I have a responsibility to patrons to burn the book in case it facilitates tumblr-aces? Please advise.


FUN FACT: I honest to god thought Outlawroad made up the Cuddle Sutra until months later when I found the actual (non-)fucking book online. I only found about 2 pages of it though.

My suggested course of action: Post all the pages of it and share the love.
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+4 #26 Kal-Elk 2013-04-01 23:48
oh god oh god oh god, the tumblr tag 'cuddle sutra' was linked in my google search and I decided to look at it. What did I do? Do I have a responsibility to patrons to burn the book in case it facilitates tumblr-aces? Please advise.
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+6 #25 no no no no 2013-04-01 23:36
I've been a fan of Sherlock Holmes since I was eight years old. I've had time to adjust to living in a world where people write Omegaverse fiction, and I'm past caring what anyone else thinks about Holmes' sexuality or lack thereof.

But damn it, Sherlock Holmes does not cuddle! It's completely against his character! It's just wrong and it makes me furious!
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+2 #24 Kal-Elk 2013-04-01 23:31
Quoting Cuddlesquid:
Okay, you know what? The Cuddle Sutra sounds like the most boring book in existence, and this is coming from someone with "cuddle" as part of her nickname.

YOU DON'T NEED A BOOK WITH PICTURES FOR CHRIST'S SAKE GET OFF THE INTERNET AND TRY TO LOOK A REAL HUMAN BEING IN THE EYE FOR THIRTY SECONDS


It's not outlawroad's magnum opus, but there's a not half-bad book titled The Cuddle Sutra (by Rob Grader, apparently, if that helps googling) which isn't actually half bad. The queer and feminist library (god, gotta love universities) I volunteer at has a copy which I flipped through one day doing inventory. Most of it is pretty typical, but there's a section near the end which, if I recall correctly, was titled "The Three-Body Problem" and contained a bunch of group cuddling 'positions', several of which I've found quite helpful. I'll try to scan those pages if anyone's interested.
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+1 #23 Acierhugbot 2013-04-01 23:09
Quoting Freibiergesicht:

and then you read outlawroad's cuddlesutra making me happier than i could have imagined. but i'd be even happier if you guys would give her "sex brood" novel a try - you can buy it on amazon, it's a quick, terrible, hilarious read and then you can get a refund on amazon so you're not giving this terrible person your money.


To make an easily-massive ramble much shorter, long readings of published material steers into rather messy copyright law that's just best avoided wholesale.
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+12 #22 montrith 2013-04-01 21:06
I still want Bunnybread to sing a song about Sex Brood set to the tune of Sex Bomb.
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+3 #21 Portaxx Brood 2013-04-01 19:36
Quoting Freibiergesicht:

just sayin'. you don't want to miss the 'sex brood' train before it's too late.


I doubt Sex Brood will make it into an actual, official F+ episode. However, a few readers and I have been looking at it and I'm hoping we can independently record some stuff on it. Because holy shit is that story going to become legendary, if not for any of the reasons Outlawroad assumed.
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+4 #20 Cleretic 2013-04-01 19:03
Also, just gonna say it, 90% of Homestuck's fanbase don't understand Homestuck. Not even on the 'I have no idea what's going on' level that's sort of acceptable to not understand it on, like they don't get CLOSE to understanding the comic's themes or storytelling devices.
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+2 #19 Cleretic 2013-04-01 19:00
Quoting Portaxxstuck:
Most Homestuck insanity I've seen is buried in a ton of jargon, character names, typing quirks, and arguments over very specific plot points.

I keep almost painfully abreast of Homestuck, and let me tell you guys, the Homestuck fan community has two subcommunities.

1. People who actually follow the comic rigorously and try to make as much sense of it as possible.

2. People who have not read Homestuck, or have stopped reading it, have no interest in actually reading it, they just follow the fanwork and sometimes join in.

Homestuck is the only thing I've ever seen where you not only get fanwork of fanwork (and sometimes fanwork of that), but the guys making this second or third-layer fanwork often don't even know the original work. Certainly nothing recently has had that quite like Homestuck. Ponies, maybe, but people seem to get into the show itself pretty easy there.
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