Episode 75: If I Could Turn Back Time, I'd Still Cut You In Half




READERS: Isfahan, Kumquatxop, Boots Raingear, Portaxx, and Lemon.
SPECIAL GUEST: Montrith

Edited by Lemon

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange taught us a couple things about the world we live in. Firstly, it turns out that Steve Martin's hair may actually just be that color. But only slightly less shocking is the relevation that our government is keeping secrets from us. Millions of secrets! And yeah, some of them might involve the United States bombing our own journalists, but the folks at Above Top Secret have unraveled even deeper mysteries. Did you know that you can jump higher during the night time? It's true! Just don't bother testing that empirically because the Government will probably falsify your records. This week, The F Plus is breaking the laws of thermodynamics.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER
  1. Immigration is Apart of the NWO Agenda
  2. Why Are These High Strangeness Bigfoot Encounters Ignored By The Mainstream?
  3. I swear I saw a Pterodactyl
  4. Why not float balloons into chemtrails to sample their contents?
  5. I believe I have superpowers...
  6. Who Can Picture The Size Of The UNIVERSE?
  7. Light creates gravity. Here's how.
  8. Don't Need Food To Live?
  9. Evil walks among us
  10. I'm Blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba Di
  11. Darwin is an idiot.
  12. All Of Science Is A Lie

MUSIC USED

  • Geto Boys - Mind Playin Tricks
  • Eiffel 65 I'm Blue (Da Ba Bee)


Last Updated on Friday, 01 June 2012 23:04  

Comments   

 
+2 #41 Dole 2014-03-11 03:08
My favorite part of this episode is the idea that this guy is a time wizard with mastery of time and space and other powers far beyond our comprehension, but he still gets trolled on the internet.
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+6 #40 montrith 2012-07-04 02:42
So...who wants to let the CERN-is-a-sham guy know about the Higgs boson?
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+1 #39 Waldeinsamkeit 2012-06-19 00:16
Montrith, I love your accent and your mispronunciatio n of the word "pterodactyl". c: Just had to say that!

I've met a few people like this - both in real life and over the Internet - and I always find myself rolling my eyes at them and their Illuminati/alie n/reptiloid overlords/chemt rail/NWO/Bigfoo t/etc. theories. This is a fantastic episode, especially the bit about the time wizard. Not sure if trolling, clever viral marketing campaign for a sci-fi series, or genuinely off to the loony bin with that one...
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+3 #38 BootsRaingear 2012-06-12 06:39
Quoting dodoman1:
All of the Canadian Ridiculists should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES
www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1

I'd just like to make it known that I am most certainly not the guy on the left. That is not me, nobody can prove it. Now go away, I've gotta go club some se.... ceilings.
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+1 #37 dodoman1 2012-06-11 16:30
All of the Canadian Ridiculists should be ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES
www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1
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0 #36 skub 2012-06-10 18:09
Quoting Utnaphistim:
If we're trying to kill Victor and Isfahan with bad science, may I also contribute conservapedia's page of counter-examples to relativity (www.conservapedia.com/.../) and Creation Ministries' 15 Question's Evolutionists Can't Answer tract (creation.com/images/pdfs/flyers/15-questions-for-evolutionists-s.pdf)?

"The action-at-a-distance by Jesus, described in John 4:46-54, Matthew 15:28, and Matthew 27:51." Amazing.


i know you were trying to rile up victor and isfahan but that pamphlet made me MAD
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0 #35 Utnaphistim 2012-06-10 16:39
If we're trying to kill Victor and Isfahan with bad science, may I also contribute conservapedia's page of counter-example s to relativity (www.conservapedia.com/.../) and Creation Ministries' 15 Question's Evolutionists Can't Answer tract (creation.com/images/pdfs/flyers/15-questions-for-evolutionists-s.pdf)?

"The action-at-a-dis tance by Jesus, described in John 4:46-54, Matthew 15:28, and Matthew 27:51." Amazing.
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+2 #34 Cal 2012-06-07 11:02
The episode's title is not a reference to Cher
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+3 #33 agentanalogue 2012-06-07 01:11
Having heard all four R4R Contest Winners, my enjoyment of the episodes has strongly overcome any jealousy on my part.

All four of you, JT, Montrith, Cleretic, and Cheapskate, you were all awesome readers who brought fantastic content.

I hope you all choose not to enter the contest next time, or I don't have a prayer.
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+8 #32 Kumquatxop 2012-06-06 16:09
I just listened to this and realized that I was probably pretty drunk while reading the "who can picture the size of the universe" thread -- I seemed to be yelling the words 'internet' and 'universe' sort of interchangeably
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+8 #31 montrith 2012-06-05 10:10
Quoting Lé Mon!:

No! Hearing you say "petrudactil" in the audition MP3 is basically what sold us on you in the first place, and it's why I made sure you read that piece. If hearing yourself in this podcast makes you stop saying "petrudactil", I will be very sad indeed.


Well, if that's what makes you happy, I promise now and forever that I will never pronounce that word correctly as long as I live. In fact, if you so wish I suppose I have it in me to pronounce all prehistoric lizard names incorrectly. Let no-one say I'm not aiming to please.
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+2 #30 Lé Mon! 2012-06-05 08:49
Quoting montrith:
I also have to apologize for my complete inability to pronounce the word Pterodactyl correctly.

No! Hearing you say "petrudactil" in the audition MP3 is basically what sold us on you in the first place, and it's why I made sure you read that piece. If hearing yourself in this podcast makes you stop saying "petrudactil", I will be very sad indeed.
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+1 #29 Ashto 2012-06-05 08:34
Quoting montrith:

Fear not, the Internet has you covered!

hans-von-hozel.tumblr.com/


Perfect! I would try to embody my happiness in some sort of dramatically incorrect manner within this post, but I think I'll hold back in case the guys decide to go all meta for one episode and read through their own comments. You shall not read this in a funny voice Jack Chick!

A pretentious voice would be fine however.
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+3 #28 Cal 2012-06-05 07:41
That last science guy is literally the dumbest person alive
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+2 #27 montrith 2012-06-05 06:21
After listening to this episode again, I also have to apologize for my complete inability to pronounce the word Pterodactyl correctly. I keep telling my brain it's "pte" and not "pet" by it refuses to listen. I blame my 5 year old cousin, a noted dinosaur expert.
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+1 #26 Notm 2012-06-05 04:27
I love how every time that second link comes up with a cure for cancer, it just goes BAM! Like it hit you in the face with how good of a cure it is. You got cancer? BAM it's outta here.

I also hadn't looked at their very cartoonish background until I looked at that link...it almost looks like my Youtube channel background for god's sake.
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+2 #25 Runic244 2012-06-04 15:38
Quoting montrith:
Quoting Yay Victor:
I think I could have contributed to this one, what with three science degrees and all.

Then again you guys are funnier than I am, and it's not like you need to be some sort of extra-qualified science nerd to shoot holes in this crap.

So good call. And good work.


Oh, Victor...I have a question for you.

www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1

www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1

Which one of these made you more mad?

I'm not an expert in mathmatics, or anything else for that matter, but that first link made my fucking eyes bleed. That isn't how numbers work damn it!
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+2 #24 Ansemaru 2012-06-04 10:28
The good news is that my brain started to shut down whenever I got riled up enough about bad science to start yelling in real life. The bad writing cancelled it out, thank god.
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+3 #23 icarus 2012-06-04 08:28
holy shit
this is some pure, uncut columbian grade crazy right here

be still my heart. this may (MAY) top gamer's hip clip for best fplus content.
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+8 #22 September 2012-06-04 08:11
I described the "All Of Science Is A Lie" thread to my dad, who is an engineer with a PhD in physics. He spent the rest of the meal sighing periodically and starting sentences like: "What, how can you...?" and "Why do people like this even...?"

The weird thing (well, one weird thing) about these threads is that they're a pretty even mix of bogglingly stupid ideas, incomprehensibl e posts from people with little-to-no grasp of English, and snarky comments from people who actually seem intelligent and reasoned and thus have no reason to be on that site. Oh, and this:
Quote:
Consider it an ad hominem if you wish, but after you voice your displeasure with theories and assumptions, you don't hesitate to put forth your own, which doesn't have merit as far as I can see.

Holy shit. I think I found the single most pretentious sentence on the internet.
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+1 #21 Story Providor Wanbe 2012-06-03 17:17
New F-Puls Reallly good!
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+9 #20 OldZircon 2012-06-02 22:09
AND THEN A TIME WIZARD POPPED OUT!
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+5 #19 montrith 2012-06-02 21:32
Quoting Yay Victor:
I think I could have contributed to this one, what with three science degrees and all.

Then again you guys are funnier than I am, and it's not like you need to be some sort of extra-qualified science nerd to shoot holes in this crap.

So good call. And good work.


Oh, Victor...I have a question for you.

www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1

www.abovetopsecret.com/.../pg1

Which one of these made you more mad?
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+3 #18 Portaxx 2012-06-02 16:48
Quoting Isfahan:

So now Portaxx has written down the following in her People's Buttons notebook:

Victor - bad science

and she has it circled several times.


SSSHHHHH
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+3 #17 Isfahan 2012-06-02 16:36
Quoting Yay Victor:

Then again you guys are funnier than I am, and it's not like you need to be some sort of extra-qualified science nerd to shoot holes in this crap.


This is the same reasoning behind why I think it's probably better I wasn't a reader on the Malatora episode.

So now Portaxx has written down the following in her People's Buttons notebook:

Victor - bad science

and she has it circled several times.
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+4 #16 Bionichute 2012-06-02 14:57
As someone who believes in aliens, the shit these people believe is CRAAAAZY
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+6 #15 montrith 2012-06-02 12:33
Quoting Ashto:
On a completely unrelated note, I tried looking up Hans van Hosel's story page to show to my girlfriend his Glee story, only to find that he apparently closed the account down! :C


Fear not, the Internet has you covered!

hans-von-hozel.tumblr.com/
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+10 #14 Portaxx 2012-06-02 12:29
Quoting Yay Victor:
I think I could have contributed to this one, what with three science degrees and all.

Then again you guys are funnier than I am, and it's not like you need to be some sort of extra-qualified science nerd to shoot holes in this crap.

So good call. And good work.


Aw I wanted to see that! CAN WE HAVE A VICTOR VS. BAD SCIENCE EPISODE??? Pleaaaase? ;_;

YAY VICTOR!
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+2 #13 Yay Victor 2012-06-02 12:26
I think I could have contributed to this one, what with three science degrees and all.

Then again you guys are funnier than I am, and it's not like you need to be some sort of extra-qualified science nerd to shoot holes in this crap.

So good call. And good work.
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0 #12 To Notm 2012-06-02 12:21
Quoting Notm:
Attempted guesses at what the cover photo means:
"F Plus till the Cows come home"
"Holy Cow, it's the F Plus"
"F-Plusgate scandal"
"Spot the Cow"

I'd say more on the matter but this strange black van just pulled up outside my driveway

www.imdb.com/title/tt0088286/
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