Episode 71: Amazon Recommends Years of Therapy





READERS: Jimmyfranks, Portaxx, John, Isfahan, Nutshell Gulag, and Lemon.

Edited by Lemon

Respected authors and lifelong readers hold differing opinion on the benefits of the kindle. While some bemoan the loss of the tactile pleasures of a good novel, others feel an e-book is a purer manifestation of the written word. Of course, their debate is an irrelevancy. Human society never backs away from a technology for romantic reasons and those who want to do so are usually being nostalgic just because they enjoy being nostalgic. Plus, most people are just reading porn on those things anyway. This week, The F Plus tries to return our inflatable dog.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER
  1. Sluts In Space (Alien Sci-Fi Tentacle Sex Erotica) by Katie Cramer
    $2.99
  2. A Gangbang On A Cruise Ship & Hitchhiking by India Foxen
    $2.99
  3. Revenge Sex by Tina Bowden
    $2.99
  4. Teacher's Pet: Passing the Test by A. Ash
    $2.99
  5. Lust For Anal Orgazmo by A Missy Diamond
    $2.99
  6. Multiple Anal Orgasms - Her Best Anal Sex Ever by Carnie Johnston
    $2.99
  7. Taming My Teddy Bear - An Erotic Story (Plushie Fetish) by Jade K. Scott
    $2.99
  8. Brianna by Lexie X
    $0.00
  9. Threesome (an erotic short story) by Roxy Jacobs
    $0.00
  10. Santa Enters the Back Door by Whiskey McNaughton
    $0.00
  11. Cheating Housewives Knocked Up! Rent Money Slut by Natalia Darque
    $0.00
  12. Confessions of a Sorority Girl: The Omega Train by Natalia Darque
    $0.00
  13. My Plastic Blow-up Dog Brutus by Peter De Sade
    $3.99
  14. Sleep with My Little Girl's Best Friend by Peter De Sade
    $4.99
  15. And then a selection of titles

MUSIC USED

  • Lobsterdust - Britney The Pimp (Britney Spears vs Don Julian)
  • X - Adult Books
  • Madness - Night Boat To Cairo
  • Magnetic Fields - The Book of Love
  • Del Tha Funkeehomosapien - Money For Sex
  • Lovage - Book of the Month


Last Updated on Wednesday, 11 April 2012 09:43  

Comments   

 
+1 #50 Shigan 2014-05-08 06:52
The cruise ship one was such an incredibly dull read that towards the end I kept expecting MLA in-text citations to pop up after most sentences.
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0 #49 yellow jester 2013-12-26 16:36
wow one of the authors' biographies is kinda sorta underage porn.

"Biography
A. Ash began her sordid love affair with erotic stories as a teenager, when she stumbled across her father's stash of Penthouse Magazines and porn novels. She didn't browse Penthouse for the pictures, or the "articles" - it was the Forum stories, along with Daddy's special books, that captivated and stimulated her already-dirty imagination. After discovering this treasure trove, Ash spent many delightful hours while home alone reading one-handed. In the Circle of Life, she now writes what she also loves to read"
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0 #48 yellow jester 2013-12-26 16:33
why are all of these so rapey
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+3 #47 Mistress Eva 2013-07-23 17:25
Jimmyfranks, I love you. Nothing gets my nipples harder than hearing your over-the-top reading of terrible kindle porn.
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+2 #46 Tanny 2012-11-14 15:45
I'm calling my hypothetical autobiography Up By My Fuckstraps
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+11 #45 Chi-Chi DeBeers 2012-06-29 15:06
Instead of writing about the Ridiculists, what about writing a story that incorporates all of the fetishes ever discussed on the F Plus? All of them.

The hero is an "asexual" furry otherkin PUA frot-man vore fetishist sock who writes for Conservapedia. One day he meets his dream lover: a burping, sneezing, bespectacled vampire Pokegirl RealDoll based on one of the guys from Supernatural, dressed as a baby girl, morbidly obese, inflatable, and completely wrapped in cling-film. A few sessions with Virgil the Drippy Dragon are enough to "cure" our hero of his ersatz asexuality; but just when things are looking rosy, his lady love is kidnapped by Sinead O'Connor and her nakama of insatiable Juggalos! Can our hero and his Childfree friends stop the mad chanteuse from activating the large hadron collider and winning the War on Christmas? You'll have to read parts 1 through 4 of The Ace Gets Spayed to find out!
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+3 #44 Ragny 2012-06-28 16:29
Don't do this.
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-8 #43 Anonymous 2012-06-28 12:32
So, this is crazy. Really, really crazy. And if I finish (much less actually submit it to you guys), it will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I sold my soul to the Devil long ago and am undoubtedly going to hell when I die. But I'd be willing to try and write short, terrible F-Plus hurt/comfort fluffy shipping fic for you guys to read and make fun of. I'd be honored if you made fun of it, actually!
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+1 #42 Selena Kitt 2012-06-03 18:57
Quoting Grondothitus:
This podcast is really making me question my career. You can get paid to write this stuff?


I made three-quarters of a million dollars writing erotica in 2011. 500,000 ebooks sold. So yes. you certainly can. Like any genre, there are good and bad books/stories out there. But I had to laugh about the "free market" comments in this podcast. The reality is that this IS the free market. This is what people want to read. Go figure!
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+2 #41 PurpleXVI 2012-04-19 00:33
Quoting Portaxx:
If it gets explicit, yes that would weird me out. I think in my mind, it turns out more like innocently stupid fangirly stuff like hurt/comfort angst and sickeningly sweet lovey-dovey fluff. So I guess I'm envisioning dumb "shipping" stories instead of actual porn, which would be hilarious to me.


You can say it straight out, you want us to write Acierocolotl/Is fahan/Lemon NTR porn full of Eye of Argon-levels of description.
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+1 #40 Photomancer 2012-04-16 06:32
Quoting Isfahan:
Quoting Photomancer:
Well, I tried... But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I tried, I tried an awful lot. I just felt too creepy


Congratulations, Photomancer. This was a test and you passed.


Does this mean that I have the remnants of a soul after all?
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+4 #39 Isfahan 2012-04-15 12:39
Quoting Photomancer:
Well, I tried... But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I tried, I tried an awful lot. I just felt too creepy


Congratulations , Photomancer. This was a test and you passed.
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+3 #38 Photomancer 2012-04-15 07:10
Well, I tried... But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I tried, I tried an awful lot. I just felt too creepy
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+2 #37 Portaxx 2012-04-13 14:23
Quoting Ragny:
This is a tempting but ultimately horrible idea. The reading session will be awkward. I urge you to keep the small bits of sanity you still have left and not do it.


If it gets explicit, yes that would weird me out. I think in my mind, it turns out more like innocently stupid fangirly stuff like hurt/comfort angst and sickeningly sweet lovey-dovey fluff. So I guess I'm envisioning dumb "shipping" stories instead of actual porn, which would be hilarious to me.

But then again maybe I'm not as strong as some of the other readers.
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+1 #36 Grondothitus 2012-04-13 14:12
This podcast is really making me question my career. You can get paid to write this stuff?
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+2 #35 Ragny 2012-04-13 12:18
This is a tempting but ultimately horrible idea. The reading session will be awkward. I urge you to keep the small bits of sanity you still have left and not do it.
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0 #34 Photomancer 2012-04-13 07:03
Quoting montrith:
Quoting Portaxx:

YES YES WE WILL. Actually last year Zarla and I tried to get people to write some, but it never happened. Lemon really wanted someone to make it, too! Sooooo yeah, jus' sayin'...


I would totally write Lemon: the lemon, but for some reason my brain refuses to let my hands work when I try. Maybe it's my inner filter trying to stop me from being a creepy fuck.

Seriously though, if you guys really want horrific fanfiction written about you, I guess I could summon the 14 year old me...


I've had similar problems, Montrith. Which is odd, because soulrending perversion comes so naturally to me. Looks like we're both going to be trying, aren't we? It's odd, I can write about disgusting things about shit from my childhood without batting an eye, but something about writing smut about the Ridiculists just seems... wrong. Even after I wrote the Jabba the Hutt Erotic Asphyxiation one.
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+2 #33 montrith 2012-04-13 05:34
Quoting Portaxx:

YES YES WE WILL. Actually last year Zarla and I tried to get people to write some, but it never happened. Lemon really wanted someone to make it, too! Sooooo yeah, jus' sayin'...


I would totally write Lemon: the lemon, but for some reason my brain refuses to let my hands work when I try. Maybe it's my inner filter trying to stop me from being a creepy fuck.

Seriously though, if you guys really want horrific fanfiction written about you, I guess I could summon the 14 year old me...
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+2 #32 Portaxx 2012-04-13 01:22
Quoting Amy:
Quoting Lé Mon!:
Quoting Photomancer:
Maybe we should have an F-Plus Episode devoted to smut written by listeners?

Stay tuned. We might try to do exactly that.

What if we write erotic fanfiction about the ridiculists? Will you read that?


YES YES WE WILL. Actually last year Zarla and I tried to get people to write some, but it never happened. Lemon really wanted someone to make it, too! Sooooo yeah, jus' sayin'...
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+1 #31 Amy 2012-04-13 00:40
Quoting Lé Mon!:
Quoting Photomancer:
Maybe we should have an F-Plus Episode devoted to smut written by listeners?

Stay tuned. We might try to do exactly that.

What if we write erotic fanfiction about the ridiculists? Will you read that?
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0 #30 No™ 2012-04-12 22:31
meh, I'd be willing for my stuff to be read out it wouldn't turn me on at all.

(unless Acier does his sneezing again, in which case I'm lubing up for the next session)
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0 #29 Photomancer 2012-04-12 17:42
Quoting Zamza:
I think photomancer has an 'internet person reading my smut' fetish

just saying


I just don't want my talents going to waste just here in my diseased brain and on my hard drive.
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+1 #28 Zamza 2012-04-12 17:11
I think photomancer has an 'internet person reading my smut' fetish

just saying
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0 #27 Photomancer 2012-04-12 15:36
Quoting Lé Mon!:
Quoting Photomancer:
Maybe we should have an F-Plus Episode devoted to smut written by listeners?

Stay tuned. We might try to do exactly that.

Let me know when, good sir Lemon! I'll make sure to make a nice Google Doc of my more... interesting... short stories.
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+3 #26 Lé Mon! 2012-04-12 15:31
Quoting Photomancer:
Maybe we should have an F-Plus Episode devoted to smut written by listeners?

Stay tuned. We might try to do exactly that.
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+1 #25 Photomancer 2012-04-12 14:11
After hearing this episode, it truly sounds like I've missed my calling. Seriously... I do have quite a bit of backlogged erotica. You guys know how many words/pages it needs to be?

I'm sure I could do better than "beep booop beeeep I had two dicks in my two hands, one from a black guy from London, and another from the European country of America..." Maybe we should have an F-Plus Episode devoted to smut written by listeners?
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+3 #24 Zamza 2012-04-12 13:51
hah! i bet several people are now wishing they'd got money out of portaxx before sending her all that futon fiddling/table tupping/sofa smooching/shelf shagging/faucet fucking/lightso cket licking (BDSM)/screendo or screwing/househ old hyacinth hammering and i'm spent
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+1 #23 No™ 2012-04-12 03:51
You found me F Plus.

I'm embarrased to admit it, but I have written one or two erotic stories in my time. It's better than the ones read out but it's no...romantic story, shall we say.

I don't really know what got me into it either, it was kind of me just doing some freeform writing about a couple living together and I really enjoyed writing sex scenes because, to my former self, they gave more of a passionate flare to my characters.

Despite this, I highly enjoyed listening to this episode, because it brought back the fun that writing has. Who knows, I might just write another one some day.
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+1 #22 Luna 2012-04-12 00:16
Quoting Utnaphistim:
God help me, I'm thinking of giving it a try myself.

Well, you only get a certain percentage of the price in royalties, so it'd really be somewhere between $180 and $240 depending on where you made the sales... but that's not bad money, still.

If you're interested I'd really encourage you to read through the thread Ragny linked, it's got all the info you need.

But really you only need:
Some level of writing ability (probably less than you think, but quality does matter if you want *repeat* buyers, not just suckers (or ridiculists))
The ability to slap text onto a stock image
Determination

If you go for it, good luck!
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+1 #21 Utnaphistim 2012-04-11 23:14
Quoting Luna:

I've been writing erotic ebooks since Feb, because I have very little shame and it seemed like a decent way to make money. I found out about this from the thread Ragny linked.
It's actually been going pretty well, but god, I am so happy with this episode - a *lot* of the stuff out there is complete crap.


God help me, I'm thinking of giving it a try myself. I'm thinking I could hit at least the length and level of quality of the pieces read with like eight hours of work at most. I can easily generate one of these things every week-and-a-half , and if I only sell about a hundred copies of any one story, that's still $300. I'm tempted to actually try it.
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