Episode 61: Any Cling You Want (You Got It)

READERS: Portaxx, Kumquatxop, Victor Laszlo, Boots Raingear, John, and Lemon.

Edited by Boots Raingear

We've been doing The F Plus podcast for a couple years now, so it's actually kind of an oversight on our part that we've never read stories about Roy Orbison. Or, more specifically, stories about Roy Orbison being completely wrapped up in clingfilm. Honestly, I can't imagine how we've avoided the subject for so long. This week, The F Plus finally experiences the greatest pleasure man has ever known.

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PIECES READ, IN ORDER

  1. Introduction to Ulli's Roy Orbison in Clingfilm Website
  2. Story #1: Roy Orbison visits Dusseldorf to attend to certain matters.
  3. Story #2: Roy Orbison suffers a tragic accident on his tour bus.
  4. Story #3: Roy Orbison needs de-worming powder for his dog.
  5. Christmas Story: Roy Orbison suggests a Christmas gift for Ulli's mother.
  6. An Unusual Point of View: Roy Orbison clingfilm stories take an unexpected twist
  7. GAMETIME!: The Roy Orbison in Clingfilm Adventure Game
Music Used:
  • Roy Orbison - You Got It
  • Roy Orbison - Pretty Paper
  • Roy Orbison - Running Scared

ADDITIONAL FUN


Last Updated on Monday, 03 December 2012 18:11  

Comments   

 
+1 #56 Cleretic 2013-11-13 23:08
There's an ad here that uses a cover of Roy Orbison's 'You Got It', and my family literally cannot understand why I find this hilarious. I'm not sure how to explain it, either, so right now I'm pretty sure they just think I find an Australian Idol reject shilling for an electronics store funny.
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+1 #55 Cuddlesquid 2013-01-22 21:53
Whoops. Portaxx did correctly identify it as the best haiku ever. And she's technically within one syllable of being correct!

Everyone wins.
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+4 #54 Cuddlesquid 2013-01-22 21:46
Hey guys? You know how after Boots read "Roy sits impassively, like a monochrome Buddha. My palms are sweaty", one of you chimed in with, "That's the worst haiku ever"?

Roy sits impassive,
like a monochrome Buddha.
My palms are sweaty.

Remove one syllable from the original and it becomes the BEST haiku ever.
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+2 #53 Zsa Zsa 2013-01-01 05:59
So was Bumpgrrl not in the episode 'cos she's got a busy schedule or was it a comedic decision, akin to trying not to read ahead? Because Lemon hilariously butchered his German, particularly Köln (AKA Cologne) and Aachen (which starts the same way "Ach du lieber!" does). Sorry pal but your German accent isn't much more authentic than your West London one!
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+1 #52 Cuddlesquid 2012-12-31 16:17
Quoting BootsRaingear:

At the same time, Jimmyfranks was turning Wilfred Laurier into Spock

This is one of the most amazing things I've read on this website.
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+5 #51 BootsRaingear 2012-12-31 13:22
Quoting Cuddlesquid:
Please tell me there are photos of this clingfilm-wrapped treasure.

(Also, I hear the last two chapters are entirely in German. I have a friend who's fluent in German. Expect a googledoc of the translation, Ridiculists.)

Bumpgrrl can read German. She was reading it aloud as we waited for the train after F+Live 2. At the same time, Jimmyfranks was turning Wilfred Laurier into Spock and a good friend of the podcast was trying to get a transit pass while resting his head against the machine that delivers it. That may have been the second greatest moment of my life.
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+1 #50 Cuddlesquid 2012-12-31 09:56
Quoting Isfahan:

Kumquatxop presented Boots with a copy of that very book at F Plus Live 2. It was wrapped completely in clingfilm.

Please tell me there are photos of this clingfilm-wrapp ed treasure.

(Also, I hear the last two chapters are entirely in German. I have a friend who's fluent in German. Expect a googledoc of the translation, Ridiculists.)
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+6 #49 Isfahan 2012-12-31 06:49
Quoting Cuddlesquid:
I have purchased Mr. Haarbuste's novel of Roy Orbison in clingfilm from amazon.


Kumquatxop presented Boots with a copy of that very book at F Plus Live 2. It was wrapped completely in clingfilm.
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+4 #48 ForTheLoveOfAmazon 2012-12-30 22:32
Quoting Cuddlesquid:

I have purchased Mr. Haarbuste's novel of Roy Orbison in clingfilm from amazon.

What will it come packaged in this is very VERY important
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+5 #47 Cuddlesquid 2012-12-30 20:09
A JOYOUS NEW DEVELOPMENT!

I have purchased Mr. Haarbuste's novel of Roy Orbison in clingfilm from amazon.

If 2012 was the Year of the Hip Clip, 2013 is going to be the Year of the Clingfilm.
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+9 #46 Navigator 2012-06-13 17:45
On a whim, I decided to play the clingflim adventure game and make all the wrong choices, and this is the last paragraph of what happens if you put on the magic ring:

Quote:
Your terrapin has been envious of the Ring of Power for some time and as soon as you take it off she slips it on her claw. She in her turn proceeds to rule like a Queen and you are forced to attend to her needs constantly and redecorate her bedroom every week. The power soon goes to her head. She orders a 200-foot statue of her to be erected in the town square, but as none of the sculptors can see her it is not very good and she has them all killed. Soon Dusseldorf is a dark brooding metropolis ruled over by an impetuous, if adorable, invisible terrapin Witch-Queen... This brings on the apocalypse.
I always knew Jetta was a crafty one.
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+5 #45 Levi 2012-05-14 05:44
Still love this episode the most, but I'm now oddly disappointed that you didn't read...

"[This tale was specially commissioned by the 'Zoo Nation' science-fiction fanzine. Hitherto I have kept my tales of Roy in clingfilm strictly within the realms of plausibility but this scenario may be more fantastic than usual. Then again - who can say? - Ulli]

In this fantasy Roy Orbison and I are the pilots of a magnificent rocket ship powering through space."
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+13 #44 skub 2012-02-21 13:55
you were all so absorbed by these stories, i guess you could say you were........... ............... ............... ...... rapt in clingfilm

i've had this joke in my head for about three months this better fuckin be worth it
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+3 #43 Cal 2012-01-31 10:02
This is, honest to god, the most hilarious thing I've ever heard in my life. In between the utterly innocent, naive german tone of the stories and the text adventure to you guys' giddyness and general reactions to the bizarreness of it all, I'd be hardpressed in finding anything that is more entertaining than this.
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+3 #42 oh6 2011-11-28 19:04
There's a recording of the first story out there complete with incidental music, I'll have to see if I can dig it out some time.
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+3 #41 Notm 2011-11-01 00:44
I've done my bit to add to the cling film costume craze!

Though, Once or twice I had to take off the cling film due to no one being able to understand what the hell I was saying xD
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+8 #40 Jared 2011-10-31 09:13
Update on the party story, so as you may know, New England recently had a massive snow storm and some areas, including mine, had massive power outages, this happened during the party. It was freezing since the heat was obviously not working, but I was the warmest one there, all because of the cling film, thanks F+! Also, I will probably post pics in a few.
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+3 #39 Lé Mon! 2011-10-30 09:56
Quote:
I am posting this from a costume party dressed as Roy Orbison completely wrapped in cling-film.
PICS PLEASE.
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+2 #38 clingfilmluvr666 2011-10-29 19:45
Quoting Jared:
I am posting this from a costume party dressed as Roy Orbison completely wrapped in cling-film. I got a lot of weird looks, and eventually tired of explaining it so I played this episode. It it very hot, sticky and hard to move, and I see no appeal in doing this to a person.


Yes but surely you are an aesthetic marvel!
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+6 #37 Jared 2011-10-29 17:55
I am posting this from a costume party dressed as Roy Orbison completely wrapped in cling-film. I got a lot of weird looks, and eventually tired of explaining it so I played this episode. It it very hot, sticky and hard to move, and I see no appeal in doing this to a person.
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+2 #36 dualhu2tler 2011-10-28 02:31
Quoting Isfahan:
Not to spoil the fantasy or anything, but it's just a British guy doing a thing. However, he's really good, and all of the writing has this essential German-ness to it which makes it an amazing read anyhow.

I wouldn't say it's a troll, as there's nothing mean-spirited in it and the whole thing has such an innocent, harmless tone that I just can't garner distaste for it. It's just this weird, wonderful thing someone has made for us, and unlike some of the stuff we've read in the past, I'm glad this exists.


this sums up how i feel about it pretty succinctly, it has a very nice and surreal feeling to it that i can't help but love.
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+7 #35 Isfahan 2011-10-26 23:31
Not to spoil the fantasy or anything, but it's just a British guy doing a thing. However, he's really good, and all of the writing has this essential German-ness to it which makes it an amazing read anyhow.

I wouldn't say it's a troll, as there's nothing mean-spirited in it and the whole thing has such an innocent, harmless tone that I just can't garner distaste for it. It's just this weird, wonderful thing someone has made for us, and unlike some of the stuff we've read in the past, I'm glad this exists.
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+3 #34 montrith 2011-10-25 12:42
This is either a really specific fetish or an amazingly dedicated troll. If only we could harness all that energy into something actually useful there would be no energy crisis.

Next Christmas I'm definitely going to read that heartwarming story to my friends. Then I will give them some clingfilm.
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+3 #33 dualhu2tler 2011-10-24 19:44
Quoting Portaxx:
Quoting BootsRaingear:

Sorry, I was too lazy to wrap it back up in clingfilm


BOOTS' HEAD IS COMPLETELY WRAPPED IN ULRICH HAARBURSTE'S NOVEL OF ROY ORBISON IN CLINGFILM!!!

Also there's a video of Kumquatxop handing Boots this very book during F+ Live 2. Kumquat completely wrapped it in clingfilm, and Boots couldn't handle the greatness of it all, so he had to sit down for a moment.

It pretty much redefined "wonderful."


there is video of this and it does not yet rest within our greasy internet palms?? this is an affront, madame!
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+6 #32 Zorzark 2011-10-24 19:42
Oh my. This is amazing and I'm going to spend the next week talking about Roy Orbison in Clingfilm. This is so amazing and so pure and it's like finding a perfect flower that only blooms once, and only on the internet.
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+3 #31 Isfahan 2011-10-24 17:10
Let us also not forget Kumquatxop's endzone/chicken dance.
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+3 #30 Portaxx 2011-10-24 13:36
Quoting BootsRaingear:

Sorry, I was too lazy to wrap it back up in clingfilm


BOOTS' HEAD IS COMPLETELY WRAPPED IN ULRICH HAARBURSTE'S NOVEL OF ROY ORBISON IN CLINGFILM!!!

Also there's a video of Kumquatxop handing Boots this very book during F+ Live 2. Kumquat completely wrapped it in clingfilm, and Boots couldn't handle the greatness of it all, so he had to sit down for a moment.

It pretty much redefined "wonderful."
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+3 #29 BootsRaingear 2011-10-24 11:03
Quoting Notm:
Here's a copy I found of Ulrich's novel:
www.amazon.com/.../0955460204

And yes, that really is 192 pages of Roy Orbison...being completely wrapt in cling film.



Sorry, I was too lazy to wrap it back up in clingfilm
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+4 #28 icarus 2011-10-24 06:55
man character or not, this guy is amazing. even if he is a character, he's so well written that it's easy to look at him and see that what he is is COMPLETELY POSSIBLE on the internet.

this is one of the greatest treasures the internet has given us, and i do not even care if it's for real or not
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+3 #27 Notm 2011-10-24 01:22
Here's a copy I found of Ulrich's novel:
www.amazon.com/.../0955460204

And yes, that really is 192 pages of Roy Orbison...being completely wrapt in cling film.
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