Popular media seems to get no end of pleasure in exploring the day to day drudgery of characters who belong in a comic book universe. For those superheroes and supervillians, their life is so absurd that there is very little relatability of those characters to people living in the real world. But then thanks to online RPGs like City of Heroes and Champions Online, anyone with an internet connection and a love for paying fees can create their own superhero and live in a world populated exclusively by other characters who also have stupid skillsets. For the first of our Race For Ridiculism Showcase Episodes, Cleretic will be bringing us to this world, and forgetting to pack enough moist towelettes. This week, buy one glimp and get one free!
BIOS READ, IN ORDERCHAMPIONS ONLINE
CITY OF HEROES
Sing Sang Song
Vivian (Champions Online)
Death Bolt Johnny
Naughty Lil Succubi
NOTE: for City of Heroes, Cleretic found these bios in-game, thus convenient weblinks are not available. However, you can see the document with all the bios we read, plus a couple more fun ones that didn't make it in.
Respected authors and lifelong readers hold differing opinion on the benefits of the kindle. While some bemoan the loss of the tactile pleasures of a good novel, others feel an e-book is a purer manifestation of the written word. Of course, their debate is an irrelevancy. Human society never backs away from a technology for romantic reasons and those who want to do so are usually being nostalgic just because they enjoy being nostalgic. Plus, most people are just reading porn on those things anyway. This week, The F Plus tries to return our inflatable dog.
The F Plus Race For Ridiculism concluded on Friday and as mentioned, we couldn't be more pleased with the results. Quite a lot of people went out and hunted down quite a lot of really great content, and that's gonna mean some excellent episodes on the horizon.
We want to make sure to give congratulations to JT, Cleretic, Cheapskate and Montrith - who were victorious in finding some of the worst things the internet had to offer, and so will receive the dubious honor of being part of a podcast in the near future. We're keeping the topics all secret at the moment, but this is all gonna be really fun to read.
Meanwhile, there's an additional squad of people who found a whole different batch of stuff for us to read, so our content is set for the next couple of months, and really, giving ourselves a break from mining strange fetish sites is our prize.
Feel free to use this comments section to brag about your successes, or call other people cheaters for winning.
Hoosier biologist and unbelievable superpervert Alfred Kinsey believed that human sexual proclivities could all be charted on a seven point scale, from fully hetero to fully homo. Further, he attested that the majority of the species drifted towards the middle - in a grey area between gay and straight. But there's an oft-forgotten classification in this scale of sexuality, and that is for people who are completely dismissive of the whole affair altogether. I'm talking about the asexuals: people so unconcerned with sexual pursuits that they are free to spend their time more wisely, like telling the internet how unconcerned they are with sexual pursuits. This week, The F Plus doesn't even know what you're talking about. No really!
NOTE: Lemon apologizes in advance for his microphone during this episode. It was fucked up and I didn't realize it until we were done recording.
ACE SECRETS, where you can learn the true horrors of living inside the asexual closet.
And finally, Portaxx really wants to find some Non-Consensual Furniture Rearrangement Erotica. So, if anyone comes across any (or feels like writing some) I know it would fulfill a desire she's had for years.
One of our favorite sites, Regretsy, recently featured this Kindle-only novella by Kitty Glitter (author of Sherlock Holmes: A Case of Dicklessness and The Feline Puerto Rican), and fame immediately followed. The book made its way to the Kindle Top 20 list, Kitty Glitter collected a king's ransom for his efforts, and then the inevitable happened. This very much unlicensed and damging piece of fanfiction was removed from Amazon, and we all feared Wesley Crusher's erotic tale was never to be told again. We had to intervene. What we present to you here is Kitty Glitter's Wesley Crusher: Teenage Fuck Machine, in full, without asides or commentary.
Here is the original posting about this book on Regretsy, with a few updates as it slowly gained in popularity. And if it turns out this story leaves you wanting more, you might be interested in another of Kitty Glitter's works, Bad Lieutenant: Pussy Blood for the low low price of 99 cents.
Star Trek: Encounters - Neil Norman and his Cosmic Orchestra
Star Trek Rap (feat. Prime Directive and Galaxy Class) - Those Aren't Muskets
Do you want to be a guest reader on The F Plus? Well, now’s your chance, pal. This is The F Plus’ Race For Ridiculism.
THE SHORT VERSION
To enter, we need you to provide us with an episode’s worth of material, as well as a short (2 to 3 minute) MP3 of you reading a selection from that material. If we like your content and you don’t sound like Basil Marceux, then you’re ready for The Big Time. You get to spend an evening mocking other people with half a dozen other judgemental nerds who take great joy in such things, plus Lemon will send you some sort of prize.
The Race Concludes Friday, April 6th when a winner will be announced and somebody will be made slightly more e-famous than they were when they started. To enter, e-mail all your content to
, and multiple winners may be selected, depending on how this whole thing shakes out.
THE LONGER VERSION
Over the past couple months, I’ve received quite a few e-mails from people asking if they could be guest readers on a future episode on The F Plus. Also, looking through our submissions, we’ve received some pieces of really excellent content, but in a lot of cases they’ve been isolated bits, and we haven’t been able to make them work in a larger episode theme.
So the Race For Ridiculism should address both these issues, and people like contests anyway, don’t they? Let’s do some Q&A...
Q: What do you need?
You need to provide us with a full episode’s worth of material. That means something that it’ll take about an hour and a half for us to read through (with our usual asides), as we typically record for two hours. Ideally all the content you put together should have some sort of theme to it. I’m assuming if you’re reading this you’ve heard what F Plus material usually sounds like, so I shouldn’t need to explain it any further. Put these together in a document of your choosing (Google Documents, word doc, body of an e-mail, whatever you like) including both links and the actual text of the content to be read, and send all that along to
In addition to your content, we’ll also need a short (somewhere from 2 to 3 minutes) MP3 of you reading a selection from that content. Honestly, we just want to know what you sound like. Send that to the same e-mail address.
We record our episodes at 9PM central on the weekends, the day of recording changing somewhat depending on availability. We do it all through Skype and you’ll need either a headset or a combination of microphone and headphones.
Q: What do I get?
You get to count yourself among a select group of people who call themselves F Plus Ridiculists. This means you’ll get to spend an evening with half a dozen other miscreants who judge each other as harshly as we judge our subjects. This is probably more pleasant than it sounds.
You’ll get to have your voice heard by the couple thousand people who listen to The F Plus on a regular basis. How many listeners exactly? Well, the exact number is somewhere between the population of Des Moines, IA and the population of Strawberry Point, IA. I’m afraid we can’t be more specific than that.
A listing on our Ridiculists page, alongside Burlesque superstar Ophelia Flame and America’s first Real Doll repairman, Lou Fernandez. Also if you’ve got something to promote, we’ll put a word in.
Lemon will send you somethingorother. To be honest, he’s not sure what he’s going to send out yet, but it should be a fairly interesting memento of your time when you yelled at the internet with the rest of us.
You'll just get lover like any other, that's what you get.
Q: What sort of content should I try to find?
If you’ve listened to the F Plus, you should have a fairly good idea of the kind of stuff we’re looking for: Fetishists, weird subcultures, conspiracy theorists, forums where everyone is an idiot, poorly written stories, deluded egomaniacs... it might be difficult to show us something that we haven’t seen before, but try to get something that might be new to some of our listeners. Your theme can be tenuous if needed, but there should be an overall concept tying all the material together.
Anything we haven’t already read is fair game. If there’s stuff that you’ve submitted but we haven’t gotten to it yet, find more of that and send it in.
Okay, that’s enough text.
Damn right it is. Any other questions you can leave in the comments. You’ve got a couple weeks before Friday April 6th, but I’d recommend you get started now.
As politcal rhetoric becomes increasingly rancorous and the division between politcal ideals divides wider so that no plausible middle ground can be reached, there are some people out there that feel that existing within a pre-established democracy just isn't going to work out, and that it's probably better to just start a new country from scratch. For all of these people, from the founders of Sealand to Sarah Palin's husband to those Libertarians in the 80's who got invaded by Tonga, results have been fairly discouraging. However, none of those people have ever made their own wiki site to explain their pitch, so things are probably looking up for the Federated Commonwealth of Malatora. This week, The F Plus learns that existence is futile.
Just a note for any of you who might be in the Minneapolis area and looking for something to do... Monday, March 5th, Lemon will be one of the two celebrity guests trying to help some lucky contestant to climb the $50 Pyramid. What is the $50 Pyramid? Well, it's a lot like the $10,000 Pyramid, except much lower stakes, and a lot more booze. It's hosted by Ian (of TV's Drinking With Ian), and Lemon's opponent will be Minnesota comedian Raleigh Weld.
A good time should be had by some, particularly the person who I help win $50, and myself on account of getting free drinks with my celebrity status. Finally this podcast thing is paying off!
The psychology and thematic considerations of "What Makes For Good Horror?" is something often discussed at length by people you probably don't want to associate yourself with. Obviously they may argue amongst themselves over minutae, but will usually cite a construction of tension, a feeling of malevolence, a spirit of helplessness, and no fewer than six bare breasts as the essential elements for finely constructed, timeless horror. The stories contained within this episode have none of these things, relying instead on grammatical errors and poor plot construction for a different feeling of unease entirely. This week, she melted. Seriously: she melted!