The F Plus Readers. Click for larger view.
If you look up the word ridiculist in the dictionary, you'll find that it says something else, because the word "ridiculist" isn't actually in the dictionary. But if it were, it would describe the people you'll find below. Persons who, for one reason or another, have decided to spend their time reading the internet's worst, in order to provide you with entertainment.
COÖRDINATORS: Lemon, Boots Raingear
READERS: Acierocolotl, Adam Bozarth, bumpgrrl, Bunnybread, Isfahan, Jack Chick, Jimmyfranks, John Toast, Kumquatxop, Nutshell Gulag, Portaxx, STOG, Victor Laszlo
GUEST READERS: Squiddy McEnnui, JimL2, Floss Man, ProtonJon, Frank West, Tiff Dynamite, Ophelia Flame, Lou Fernandez, Zarla Sheeanza, Cleretic, Cheapskate, JT, Montrith, Happy Ending
VIDYA GAMES: F+ Steam Group
(Content Editor & Host)
As chief organizer and director of the podcast, Lemon has become known for his stern leadership and a personality as sour as his namesake. However, when faced with a poorly written Pokemon story, he will giggle like an entire 7th grade class in an erotic bakery. He can usually be found on Tuesday nights preparing barbecued sausages for the local Society for Creative Anachronism. He does not know where the weed is at.
bio by Boots Raingear • Lemon's episodes
Boots Raingear (@BootsRaingear)
Boots Raingear was the heir apparent to a hotdog cart empire that stretches from the west side of Union Street all the way to where the Liquor Barn used to be, until his father kicked him out for having red hair. Forced to flee to Canada, Boots now makes a living singing showtunes outside local restaurants until people pay him to stop. In spite of his misfortune, he maintains a positive outlook on life. He is friendly and polite to a point that it is off-putting even to his Canadian neighbors.
I can do a different one if that one sucks too much.
bio by Victor Laszlo • Boots' episodes
If it's a horrible pun told in a Tom Servo voice, it's probably John. His turn-ons include MMA poetry written by inflated Juggalo otherkin, and his turn-offs include Mexican vampires that engage in kino as part of a homosexual bait-and-switch. He also likes long walks on the beach, but only if the beach was somehow teleported into the middle of an anime convention. If you'd like a date with John Servo, simply beat him in a video game. That oughta win his heart!
John is never seen without his giant, fluffy white coat and is drawn to the scent of waffle fries. He also suffers from a condition known simply as "Dot Eyes."
bio by Tal-Pass Portaxx • John's episodes
(Assistant Commandant of Inflection, Diction, and Butt Jokes)
Acierocolotl has conducted extensive research on the culture and collective consciousness of the French Canadian people, which naturally makes him a perfect addition to the F Plus team. He is also the resident expert on hang gliders, obscure cocktails, and underwater demolitions (he's rated for operation in both arctic and tropical water conditions).
Mega-Speed Lunar Hoverhorse sold separately
bio by Isfahan • Acier's episodes
Adam Bozarth (@AdamBozarth)
(Discount Orson Welles)
Adam Bozarth is a man of mysteries, and one of those mysteries is "how did he end up with Velociraptor feet and a Stegosaurus tail?" Well, one day he fell into a vat of chemicals during the full moon while under a wizard's spell. Also radiation because why not. Now banished to the sewers of Metropolotham City, The Mighty Bozarth keeps a silent watch over the slums and the occasional Hall of Evil Doom that pops up every once in a while. He's not a superhero or anything; he's just a people-watcher. Now, this fearsome creature has risen up and shown himself for one reason and one reason alone... to read terrible internet posts in funny voices. You can hear some of his other funny voices at Left Handed Radio.
bio by Portaxx • Adam Bozarth's episodes
(Secretary of the Department of Drunken Anger)
Bumpgrrl didn't care about the environment until she discovered that certain parts of nature could be turned into alcohol. From then on she vowed to save all fermentable substances. This drive later extended to unfermentable substances because she was there anyways and hey, why not.
She enjoys reading weird things from the internet when she's not saving the booze and the earth, in that order
bio by John • bumpgrrl's episodes
(Accredited Vulva Inspector)
Bunnybread was not born in the traditional sense but formed through a story cloaked in legend. Various scientists, working at MIT, were attempting to produce the physical embodiment of sexual harassment. A lab accident occurred involving a Barry White record, a bottle of Drakkar Noir, and a fifth of tequila all being accidentally thrust into the previously unknown Sleaze VortexTM. The scientists were held in awe as a cleansing red light flooded their eyes and gave their genitals an eerie glow. The light intensified until culminating in an eruption of sound so lewd and pornographic that no human or electronic device has since been able to replicate it.
The dust settled and the now slightly aroused scientists were dumbfounded by the explosion. They waited for something to appear... but nothing did. The scientists had failed and the salacious tones had not taken on a physical form. Instead, they had created a disembodied voice that is currently working as a professional voice whore.
bio by Lemon • Bunnybread's episodes
(Associate Professor of Blowjob Studies)
A man of superlative breeding and schooling, Isfahan is one of three boys of the thirteenth generation of the Westdavenshirefordshire family. First educated at Lord Westleybottom's School For Fancy Boys In Fancy Pants, where he excelled in the subjects of comparative literature and wine spitting. From there, he was immediately offered a professorship at Dartmouth, where he had improper relationships with his students on his first year. For this, he received tenure and a publishing contract.
He is currently on a front porch somewhere watching television and complaining that it isn't very good.
bio by Lemon • Isfahan's episodes
(Chief Content Researcher And Crap-Hunter)
A connoisseur of the heaviest of metals known to man, Jack Chick's attendance at every single metal concert possible--past, present and future--have imbued him with an unusual grace and formality. Yea, verily, is he the King of Metal. All bow before the King.
Perquisites of the kingdom seem to consist solely of a purple bathrobe and a chainsaw-strong rolled R sound, but the King perseveres.
bio by Acierocolotl • Jack Chick's episodes
(Grand Exalted Hip Hop Ordinator)
Mr. James Ticonderoga Franks III, Esq. (colloquially known as Jimmyfranks) is the byproduct of a merger between a prominent US hip-hop record label and a Florida lodge of the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks. Jimmyfranks was conceived and born to conscrecate an arranged secret marriage between an unknown senior Elk leader and one of the members of the music group 'Salt-N-Pepa,' thus establishing an alliance that would ultimately wrest control from the local Cuban drug cartel of Miami's embryonic yet burgeoning videogame arcade industry.
bio by Kumquatxop • Jimmyfranks' episodes
(Autokrator of Tiny Fruit)
When Kumquatxop makes fun of you you should know that you are being made fun of not by an internet dork but by someone who is truly a god among us. He/She is the platonic ideal of a human being, with muscles that glisten in the dark, teeth that are so white you can see them through his/her cheeks, and hair like silk spun from starlight. He/She is good to all people, from the hideously deformed to the miserably downtrodden, kind and generous and glowing with the very light of heaven itself. He/She is a chef who makes even the most maligned vegetables taste like honey from really fancy bees. He/She has musical talent that eclipses all but the most revered of composers. He/She kills the most scary insects with his/her bare hands then weeps at the cruelty of this wretched world. He/She is the most incredible person you could ever possibly meet. So when He/she makes fun of you you know that you really fucking deserve it. Asshole.
bio by Squiddy McEnnui • Kumquatxop's episodes
(Velma Dinkley Impersonator)
Nutshell Gulag. Is there anything more to say? Unlike other members of The F Plus, who devote their talents to a diversity of causes as important and desperate as fighting crime and pissing people off, this charismatic reader does nothing more with her life than dedicate it utterly to The F Plus. Her founding paradigm of the three R's (Researching, Retching, and Reading) has guided all other F Plus staff through times of uncertainty and strife. Having never missed an episode, Nutshell Gulag outshines even Boots Raingear and Lemon in her staunch support of the most supreme calling of all: reading terrible things, with more enthusiasm than Christ.
bio by bumpgrrl • Nutshell Gulag's episodes
(Reader, Cartoonist, Living Juxtoposition)
By day, Tal-Pass Portaxx draws cartoons about adorable monsters, and is an otherwise lovely person. By night, when The F Plus gets together for their readings, she reads horrifying things from the Internet in preparation for the thing she does on the other six nights: FIGHTING CRIME. F Plus readings have turned Portaxx into an crime-fighting identity feared from the lowest, most depraved meth junkie to the richest, most corrupt billionaires in the United States of America.
bio by STOG • Portaxx's episodes
(Silly Voice Administrator)
STOG learned at an early age that reading things gave him power. Specifically, that reading things back at people in funny voices gave him the power to make them pissed. Later, he discovered that people recorded themselves saying dumb things on the internet in videos, and he used their recordings to make even more people pissed with a push of a button. Then he discovered video games that allowed voice chat. He found his calling.
These days, STOG gets drunk and reads things for his own amusement. His pissing-people-off days are over. For now.
bio by John • STOG's episodes
Victor's involvement in the Czech resistance was instrumental in supporting war resisters and refugees escape to freedom from the oppressive regime of Nazi expansionism.
After a needlessly complex exchange of bitterness, letters of transit, and something resembling wife-swapping, Victor was forced to flee with his itinerant wife and go into hiding. He somehow ended up here, and no one quite understands how.
bio by bumpgrrl • Victor's episodes
(Invertebrate Ambassador / Juggalo Connoisseur)
Squiddy McEnnui devotes most of her time to crocheting sock puppets, campaigning for the liberation of albino squirrels, and polishing her collection of 1820s handguns.
Her flair for the imaginative, however, never shows up in the podcast, and most people find her droning voice boring and over-whelming. She nevertheless staunchly returns time after time, mostly for the most lewd and pornographic of topics. She maintains she does it for the "irony". Yeah, right, Squiddy.
bio by bumpgrrl • Squiddy's episodes
(Maker of Fart Sounds/Destroyer of Podcasts)
When we first came up with the idea for the podcast, JimL2 was to be the leading man. In response to this, he took to his soon-to-be celebrity a bit too quickly and began a steady regimen of Cocaine, Quaaludes, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. If you see him, let us know.
bio by Boots Raingear • JimL2's episodes
(Unaccredited Oral Surgeon)
You might be thinking "Floss Man" is a silly pseudonym to give yourself, but you wouldn't think such things if you knew his history. Since birth, Floss Man has been infected by malicious nanomachines which cause sickness, malaise, and a sudden desire to listen to Soulja Boy songs. All of this, of course, is to be avoided, and so he diligently attends to his dental care, as the gaps between his teeth are where these nanomachines like to congregate. Then again, it's always possible he's a paranoid schizophrenic with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Either way, he's very internet.
bio by Lemon • Floss Man's episodes
(Proud Owner of A Mario)
ProtonJon, better known as Thor, Norse god of lightning, fertility, and oak trees, is both a protector of mankind and a huge fan of terrible Nintendo 64 games. Legend says he once beat Odin in a flying competition while simultaneously beating the flying sections of Superman 64. Another myth states that he once ripped off an ox's head for use as fishbait while playing the Blues Brothers 2000 game. Yet another states that he once read an incomprehensible website about dick-rubbin' Tuff Guyz, but most scholars agree that story is definitely too outlandish to be true.
bio by Portaxx • ProtonJon's episodes
(Potentate of Complaining)
Scholars of Indian history tend to agree that the man known in his early life as 'Frank West' played a pivotal role in the military successes of the Maratha Confederacy. Changing his name many times to avoid detection and capture by his numerous enemies, he was known variously as 'Frink Wast,' 'Fronk Wust,' 'French Woost,' and 'Yashwantrao Holkar.' The British East India Company never truly recovered from the damage caused by his regular forays into their shipping lanes. One merchant captain who survived such an encounter described in lurid detail West's brutal methods, in particular his habit of reading the shipping manifest in a silly voice before tossing the entire crew overboard.
bio by Kumquatxop • Frank West's episodes
(Stockholm Syndrome Subject)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Tiff who lived in a castle protected by a huge moat full of the scariest moat creatures you can imagine. The princess was swathed in the prettiest silk and softest velvets and had fur hats made of the cutest woodland creatures. She was skilled in all the important lady arts like piano and needlepoint and blush application. She did nothing all day but wait for a handsome prince to come along and marry her already. Until Tiff was kidnapped by a rogue band of podcasters and forced to read and laugh on the internet! Oh, no! How will she ever survive the torment?
bio by Squiddy McEnnui • Tiff Dynamite's episodes
(Modern Anne Boleyn)
Ophelia Flame is a gorgeous woman with her own burlesque academy and an unparalleled business acumen she's honed over years. Which brings one to ask the obvious question: "Then what she doing as a ridiculist on your silly podcast?" Well, as it turns out, hearing poorly written prose read out loud will make her snort and chortle like a six year old hearing her first joke about wieners. So welcome home, Ophelia. We've got plenty more.
bio by Lemon • Ophelia Flame's episodes
Lou reads the internet. He does this in search of his elusive secret past that was erased from his mind by nefarious government agents. By systematically reading aloud the entirety of every website one-by-one, he is certain to lift the shroud of mystery that protects the secrets of his horrible past. Little does he know, the same government agents are monitoring his actions. You can find their hidden radio feeds at loureads.com.
bio by Boots Raingear • Lou Fernandez's episodes
The question isn't, "Who is Zarla," but rather, "Who isn't she?" Several generations of philosophers have bent their minds to this question and yet none of them have been able to come up with a satisfying answer. The works of Nostradamus were referenced and while the passage about aquaculture yielded tantalizing hints, the truth has still eluded our best minds.
What we can say for certain: Until recently, she wasn't an F+ ridiculist. Now she is.
bio by Acierocolotl • Zarla's episodes
(Post-Apocalyptic Motorcycle Gang Intern)
Being Australian, Cleretic experiences the future before anybody else, and so he is a constant herald of things to come. After the Great Humor Drought of 2212, he was sent back 200 years into the past to ensure that The F Plus could plant what would come to be known as the Tree of Renewal. While here, he also knocked up a few women and made some choice real-estate investments. Just to be safe.
bio by Isfahan • Cleretic's episodes
(Semi-Professional Penny Smasher)
The only living heir to both The Airokee Corporation (The World's only airline that's also a karaoke bar) and InnerMemento (offering a range of tasteful souveniers of your colonoscopy), Cheapskate's own personal wealth needs to be measured in numbers with exclamation points at the end. And yet, despite his massive fortune, Cheapskate maintains a lifestyle of appalling churlishness. His socks haven't been changed since In Living Color went off the air, and the only media he watches are ones in the public domain. Fortunately for all of us, he uses a hijacked internet account to make insightful reviews of this free media on blip.tv.
bio by Lemon • Cheapskate's episodes
(Treasurer of Animes)
JT is a philantropist and a businessman of great renown. That is, he would be, if not for his unfortunate social tic. Whenever he's in a socially stressful situation where he wants something from the person he's talking to, he immediately offers them a gay sexual favor. He does this literally every time he's in a negotiation with something on the line. Even haggling with a seller at a garage sale turns into a shouting fit of homosexual offers. It doesn't even matter if the person he's talking to is female, somehow he still offers the gayest of sex. Thankfully, this makes him extremely normal in comparison to the other Ridiculists, so we accepted him wholeheartedly. As far as we know, Lemon has taken a rain check on JT's offer.
bio by John • JT's episodes
If there's one thing the F Plus ridiculists are best known for, it's their fanatical obsession with the Finnish parody rock group, The Leningrad Cowboys. When Montrith's manager approached us with the opportunity of having her as a guest on the podcast, we collectively suffered 2 heart attacks, 3 strokes, and a broken decanter of Crystal Skull vodka. Turns out she's one of the few Finns who is NOT in The Leningrad Cowboys, but she's still pretty fun and looks great in a pompadour.
bio by Boots • Montrith's episodes
(Cosmic Equilibrium Specialist)
Happy Ending is known in the seventh circle of Paradise for her skills in the tantric domain of self-immolation. In the eighteenth circle of Hell, she is respected and feared for her profound knowledge of karmic realignment techniques dating from the neolithic period to the late Renaissance. Notwithstanding this formidable reputation, her time with the Fplus has largely been marked by her colleagues snickering behind her back because she's just so comically short.
bio by bumpgrrl • Happy Ending's episodes
F Plus Steam Group
(Cause We're Nerds Too)
Do you use Steam? Would you like to shoot zombies with people who make fun on other people on the internet for a
living pastime? Join The F Plus Steam Group and you just might get that chance.
Please be aware that any persons joining the F Plus steam group may be exposed to certain pictures (sprays) of unicorns masturbating. The management of The F Plus takes no responsibility for either the mental hardship or glee you may feel after seeing this