Episode 43: My Fanfics Are Full of Emotion!

Readers: Acierocolotl, Boots Raingear, STOG, John, Nutshell Gulag, Portaxx, and Lemon. Guest Reader: Ophelia Flame

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by STOG.

This is the internet, and there are nerdy teenagers on it. As such, there are a lot of people writing a lot of fanfiction about their favorite television shows. Having a podcast with an interest in such things means you have to be discerning, and seek out the fanfiction authors with a certain je ne sais quoi, a mixture of verve and enthusiasm for the written word that causes you to rethink everything you've been taught. Or maybe it's just terrible prose. This week on the F Plus, we're learning Danube ain't just a river in Germany.

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Editors' notes: The audio in this is definitely not the best we've ever had, but we've cleaned it as much as we could. An active member of the cf_hardcore community


  1. Hans Von Hozel's Reader Bio
  2. Twilight "Twilight vampires!" by Hans Von Hozel
  3. Russia Day "Russia absorbs all the countries!" by Hans Von Hozel
  4. Glee "The Glee Club try to make a singing Concert, but the crowd do not like!" by Hans Von Hozel
  5. Wallflower "A Flower makes a grow from its Wall!" by Hans Von Hozel
  6. Centipede Crufts Ok so I saw a horrible scary movie call 'The Human Centipede' and is was horrible but I make this version where it is not so scary and of the happy ending! : by Hans Von Hozel
  7. Quantum of Solace James Bond creates his spying by Hans Von Hozel
  8. ShakespeareHemmingway's Bio
  9. Garfield: First Blood Part II: Forever Fist Garfield battles Ashton Kutcher over fate of the soul of Natalie Portman! by ShakespeareHemmingway
    Music Used:
    • Anamanaguchi - Blackout City
    • Franzl Lang - Einen Jodler hör i gern
    • Dio - Rainbow in the Dark


    • Firstly, just look at Hans Von Hozel's list of stories. As of this writing, he's up to 248 stories and they're pretty much all amazing. The ladies out there might be interested in his take on Downton Abbey.
    • Secondly and more importantly, while waiting for this episode to go online, Portaxx simply could not get the idea of ass-kicking Garfield out of her head. And so, as a gift to you, she's made these Garfield Wallpapers available to the F+ans out there. At this point, I'd explain how to set these images as your wallpaper, but let's be honest here: If you don't know how to do that, you're probably not listening to this podcast.

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    We still have two more stories by Shakespeare Hemmingway. One is about Charlie Sheen, the other one is about Dustin Diamond. If you'd like us to put those online as well, please let us know in the comments.

Last Updated on Thursday, 05 May 2011 12:12

Episode 42: Suffer The Little Children

An active member of the cf_hardcore community

Readers: Boots Raingear, John, Kumquatxop, Portaxx, Victor Laszlo, Lemon. Guest Reader: Tiff Dynamite

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by Lemon

Most will agree that the decision to have a child is not one to be taken lightly, and in a modern world with new and complicated parenting concerns, some will remain resolute to never have children at all. But then there's a subsection of those people who will elect to be really annoying about it. We're tackling the livejournal community of cf_hardcore, a group of charisma-challenged individuals who feel they are constantly being persecuted by breeders. This week on The F Plus, we're finding new compound words to use with "crotch".

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Content Read (in order):

  1. Lets have some fun (a picture of the cf_hardcore utopia) by commanderd, lost_in_my_room, westly_roanoke, carnifex_atrox, cf_atheist, lots42 and yayfortaints.
  2. Christmas is for teh chyyyldren! by strathclyde (with replies)
  3. hey everyone! and introductory post + rant by otakin_dude
  4. RANT TIME (the original post has been locked. Portaxx has helpfully put it together into a Google Doc for you)
  5. Ah, I love the sight of birthing in the morning >_ by glittersavvy (with replies)
  6. Insane by bart_calendar
Last Updated on Tuesday, 06 March 2012 11:53

Episode 41: Lemon Types In A Title For This Episode

Readers: Bunnybread, Stog, Kumquatxop, Isfahan, Acierocolotl, John, Portaxx and Lemon

Recorded & Edited by Boots Raingear

The multiple award winning screenwriter Billy Wilder once said "Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtitles obvious also." To that end, I think Mr. Wilder would applaud the fanfiction writers who we've profiled for this episode. We have Resident Evil and CSI screenplays featuring characters who actually speak their own stage direction along with the dialogue. And after that? A Star Wars crossover you probably weren't expecting. This week on The F Plus, dialogue won't be coming naturally.

download spacer itunes spacer google spacer rss This is almost a jill sandwich

Content Read (in order):

  1. My Resident Evil Outbreak fan script by Stephen Fisher (the-Monkey)
  2. CSI fan scripts by Short'n'Sweet
  3. Luke Skywalker vs [SPOILER OMITTED] by Betterman
Last Updated on Thursday, 12 September 2013 20:13

Episode 40: I'm So Lonesome I Could Post On This Forum

Readers: Boots Raingear, Isfahan, Jack Chick, Kumquatxop, John, and Lemon. Guest Reader: Frank West

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by Lemon.

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Despite various expensive websites strongly promoting their "social" aspects, the fact remains that internet forums are a fairly antisocial experience. You sign in with an alternate identity, type some words into a box, and hope that other people might do the same in response. We visited alonelylife.com, where forum users kvetch about their problems meeting people, chime enthusiastically about how much better their e-friends are, and trade terrible poetry, despite having never learned how a haiku actually works. This week on The F Plus, seven will be the loneliest number you could ever do.

Content Read (in order):

  1. I'm trying so shard but failing. by Zorensus311 (with replies)
  2. How long do normal people stay single for? by Sog1185 (with replies)
  3. How many people over 20 are still virgins? by tal (with replies)
  4. I don't like to meet real people, but yet I feel so miserable to be alone by white lycoris (with replies)
  5. About to ask out a 10/10 girl by SocratesX (with replies)
  6. girl suddenly says "oh I have a boyfriend" by Innerpeace (with replies)
Last Updated on Friday, 20 May 2011 17:16

Episode 39: Hoc Est Praecipue De Buttsex

Readers: Acierocolotl, Portaxx, Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, Stog, Jack Chick, John, Isfahan and Lemon

François Rabelais: Hoped to have been remembered for something else.

Recorded & Edited by Boots Raingear

With all of the various sexual proclivities which the internet has allowed us to examine, it's sometimes easy to forget that there were actually perverts writing perverted things long before the internet was even invented. Thing is, you had to be a notable French Rensaissance writer or Latin poet for anyone to even pay attention. Well, in an effort to bring some classiness to the podcast, we'll be reading selected works from Catullus, François Rabelais, and James Joyce, and see how they compare to The Modern Weirdo. This week on the F Plus, it's gonna be like a classical literature class with a really creepy professor.

Content Read (in order):

  1. Gargantua: Chapter XIII How Gargantua's wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier, by the invention of a torchecul or wipebreech by François Rabelais
  2. A Rebuke: to Aurelius and Furius by Catullus
  3. Greedy: To Aurelius by Catullus
  4. The Writing Tablets: to the Hendecasyllables by Catullus
  5. Revenge by Catullus
  6. Give-Away: to Gellius by Catullus
  7. Click for larger image. Regret it later.
  8. Free for All: to the Regulars and Egnatius by Catullus
  9. Disgusting: to Aemilius by Catullus
  10. Well Armed: to Victius by Catullus
  11. Siesta: to Ipsíthilla by Catullus
  12. Various selections from James Joyce's dirty letters to Nora.
Last Updated on Thursday, 28 April 2011 19:58

Episode 38: Let Your Subconscious Be Your Guide

Readers: Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, John, Jack Chick, Kumquatxop, Portaxx, Stog and Lemon

Don't laugh! She can make you come using only her voice!

People say that most human beings only use ten percent of their brains. The thing is, people who say that are lying to you. I mean, we have MRIs. All that glowing red stuff? That's the brain working. It's reminding you to breathe, remembering song lyrics, or in the cases of these subjects - making up a bunch of new age hippie nonsense. This week, it's psychic energy and hypnotism, and everything about it is as silly as you'd expect.

Content Read (in order):

  1. Clearing a crystal that's been negatively used by zipi (with replies)
  2. is my house hunted i think something is going on by Spirit&Soul (with replies)
  3. Why is there disease? by Lance (with replies).
    Soul Development seems to have taken this link offline. I suppose that balances something else out.
  4. gay urge by holywingz
  5. Mass Covert Hypnosis by FrankFreeman
  6. Forging an Identity after a "Break Up". by Mind Link (with replies)
Last Updated on Tuesday, 01 March 2011 05:42

Episode 37: By Demons Be Driven (Insane)

Readers: Acierocolotl, Boots Raingear, STOG, John, Kumquatxop, Isfahan and Lemon

I ain't scared of no demon

Outside the walls of your apartment lie complications that are difficult and confusing. What will traffic be like on the way to work? If I go to the restaurant I like, will I get the awful waitress who never remembers my drink order? Why is my son failing math? These may seem like different problems, but in fact they have the same cause and the same solution. DEMONS DID IT. Throw blood on things. This week, The F Plus looks at people tormented by demons, and wonders how often they wash the floors.

Content Read (in order):

(NOTE: Demonbuster.com has an awful MIDI file that plays on every page. While this might tempt you to turn off Javascript or turn off your speakers before clicking, you should know that this MIDI file has also been designed to drive off demons)

Last Updated on Thursday, 24 February 2011 12:54

Episode 36: Not As Funny With The Sound Off


Readers: Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, STOG, John, Kumquatxop, Lemon, Portaxx and Jack Chick


Welcome to the exciting world of the ANIMATION COMMUNITY! A land of milk, honey, and nasally whines about the artistic merits of Quick Draw McGraw! Did you know that cartoons are the Greatest American Artform? Well, they would be, if studios would spend more time worrying about the needs of storyboard artists, and less time foolishly assuming that children are a good audience for this sort of high-brow expressionism. This week, The F Plus explores the world of overly-nostalgic manchildren, and learn that some of them aren't John K..

Content Read (in order):

  1. Indian People Accidentally Enjoy ‘Roadside Romeo by Amid Amidi
  2. COMMENTARY: SpongeBath by Michael Barrier
  3. Rip-a-Long CEREAL PRIZES by John Kricfalusi
  4. @TenNapel (Doug TenNapel's Twitter feed)
Last Updated on Tuesday, 09 July 2013 10:25

Episode 35: Without Adult Supervision

Readers: Portaxx, Boots Raingear, bumpgrrl, Bunnybread, Isfahan, Jack Chick, Kumquatxop, and Stog

When John's unavailable, Boots can't talk, and Lemon's internet dies, should the remaining ridiculists record an episode anyway? That's for you to decide! This episode we're discussing dragons, unicorns, flux capacitors, and light sabres. There's also a lot of talk about the Avatar Fleshlight, even though Boots edited that part out since it's just people looking at a picture.

This product does not exist in a reasonable civilization

Content Read (in order):

  1. Those who have seen a dragon.
  2. Theory for Becoming a Vampire
  3. are there really unicorns
  4. dimensional theory
  5. Light = Dark?
  6. 5 Top Tips for Getting a Beautiful Woman
  7. The Flux Capacitor
  8. Can the light saber be made?
Last Updated on Thursday, 03 March 2011 20:36

Episode 34: This Is What You Want? This Is What You Get!

Readers: Portaxx, Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, Jimmyfranks Esq, John, Jack Chick and Lemon

You see that "Submit Content" link over there to the left? Well, we know some of you do, because tonite's episode is all stuff you've provided for us. We're running the gamut between the life lessons taught to us by GOD (who just happens to be a promiscuous Vietnamese woman), the not-at-all silly sexual fantasies people have about Jonathan Frakes and Wil Wheaton, and the bad things that can happen to you when you get tattoos.

Keep it coming, of course. The more stuff you submit, the less time we'll have to spend on sites like fanfiction.net, and that really makes life better for all of us.

God hates a coward, sonny. Got a date with your VCR

Content Read (in order):

  1. detailed explanation of my theories of life by MAI-TRANG THI NGUYEN (PRONOUNCED AS ‘WIN)

    All of the content here comes from GOD's MySpace page (who knew?), but our nameless submitter helpfully provided us with all the most relevant text, which I've put up for you in this gDoc.

  2. Star Trek: The Next Fornication by JRDIV

    Please note that the actual story is much much longer, and features basically the entire cast of Star Trek: TNG in a variety of different couplings. Q and Guinan get in on the fun, but fortunately the author was kind enough to leave Pulaski out of it.

  3. Random Bits of Fanfic compiled by Portaxx

    I wouldn't be able to track down URLs for all the various fanfics we read here (well, okay, I probably would be able to, but I don't intend to), so instead there's another gDoc for you to look at.

  4. On Miley Cyrus and Cancer

    This was from a particularly irritating site called OMG! By Yahoo!, but sometime between us reading this and me writing this, OMG! By Yahoo! has taken the link down. So instead of that, let's find out what the community has to say about Charlie Sheen.

  5. And finally, Chase The Lightning by Ximeria
Last Updated on Wednesday, 09 February 2011 14:44

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