Episode 51: She Thinks My Sex Are Spexy



READERS: Boots Raingear, John, Jimmyfranks, Portaxx, Isfahan, Jack Chick, STOG, and and Lemon.

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by Portaxx

If you've listened to the F Plus for any length of time, you've probably found yourself familiarized with certain obscure fetishes. And while some of these fetishes have been really strange, there's always a portion of the listenership that was already familiar with this subculture. That trend ends now. What we have here is a community of men and women who are really turned on by poor eyesight. People for whom the height of eroticism is ophthalmology exams with really poor numbers. This week on the F Plus, we let STOG sing a country song.

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PIECES READ, IN ORDER

  1. About me or what a weirdo by Bobby
  2. A poetic composition for a lazy Friday afternoon (in two parts) by Will
  3. My Own Private OO (sections III and IV) by All4Eyes
  4. The TAMING of the SHREW (Another story of Will Shakespeare and his staff of gay optometrists) by Julian
  5. She Thinks My Spex Are Sexy by Marie
  6. Paralyzed Lovers III by Tatjd
  7. Rare Blood by All4Eyes
  8. Measure For Measure by Julian
Music Used:
  • Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now
  • Ray Charles - I Can See Clearly Now
  • Kenny Chesney - She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

Last Updated on Wednesday, 01 February 2012 23:32
 

Episode 50: What's Louisville Got To Do With It?



Hacker Inside Computer

Electromagnetic Victim

Gang Stalking

READERS: Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, Jack Chick, Kumquatxop, Victor Laszlo, and and Lemon.
(Acier was there for a little while too)

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by Lemon (and it's the last goddamn time he's editing an episode in Audacity.)

Over the last couple months, the so-called "legitimate press" has spent time talking about the extension of the USA PATRIOT Act, legislation which has allowed the US Government to secretly monitor its citizens since 2001. But really, so what!? It barely makes a hill of beans of difference when you consider the sophisticated audio, video, microwave, laser and improvizational surveillance which the goverment has put in place specifically to annoy some woman named Connie Marshall. This week, The F Plus rethinks their millinery choices. (Look it up)

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PIECES READ, IN ORDER

  1. ALERT!!!! "I DO FEAR FOR MY LIFE" (scroll down a bit)
  2. ELECTROMAGNETIC ASSAULTS, GANG STALKING, MIND CONTROL AND V2K (Voice to Skull)
  3. I AM WATCHED EVEN IN MY PRIVATE MOMENTS (scroll down a bit more)
  4. POOR MAN'S SHIELDING (with additional tips from Connie's fans)
  5. lifeenergyshields.com
  6. ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES (scroll down a bit)
  7. POLICE REPORTS NO INVESTIGATIONS!!!
  8. COMPLAINTS FILED WITH INTERNET CRIMES COMPLAINT CENTER (IC3)
  9. FOR SALE - CORRUPTION EVIDENCE CD'S
  10. FOX41's profile on Connie Marshall by Bennett Haeberle
  11. Louisville Gas & Electric
  12. Fplus2 <---[NOT SAFE FOR WORK]
Music Used:
  • Dead Milkmen - I Against Osbourne
  • Mojo Nixon - My TV Is Watching Me
  • TI ft/ Rhianna - Live Your Life (heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)
  • Soul Coughing - Unmarked Helicopters

Last Updated on Wednesday, 01 February 2012 23:33
 

F Plus Criminal All-Stars

First in a series.

Left to Right: JimL2, Boots Raingear, Lemon, Keytar Solo, Frank West

From APB

 

Episode 49: Reno Iz Drest In A Kostoom


READERS: Acierocolotl, Boots Raingear, Isfahan, Kumquatxop, Jack Chick, Portaxx, and and Lemon. GUEST READER: Zarla Sheenaza

Recorded by Boots Raingear, edited by Portaxx.

Poorly constructed news reports and badly writen books will often speak about the "digital lives" that the anonymity of the internet afford us all. In the world of a MUCK (or multi-user chat kingdom), players can create an artificial personality and then use it to have artificial sex with other artificial personalities. And if that already sounds gross, it's gonna get worse when you're dealiing with people who have no idea how the female body works. This week, the F Plus finds new uses for the heart shaped box.

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NOTE: We found all these profiles at a site called When Online RPGs Attack, but rather than link you directly to the threads we found them in, we put together this handy readalong document! This document contains the text for all the pieces we read, plus Portaxx did a bunch of sketches about the characters featured, which have been lovingly pasted inside the document so it looks like a teenager's notebook.

Music Used:
  • Can Be Real by Vision F

Want to download Portaxx's drawings for this episode?

Last Updated on Sunday, 17 February 2013 17:30
 

Episode 48: Weighted Companion Dudes





READERS: Jack Chick, Boots Raingear, Nutshell Gulag, Jimmyfranks, Bunnybread, John and Lemon. GUEST READER: Lou Fernandez

Recorded and edited by Boots Raingear.

Nearly 50 episodes in, and it's time for The F Plus' first crossover. Lou Fernandez (of the Lou Reads podcast) is no stranger to terrible writing on the internet, but how will he respond when he's stuck in a room full of F Plus readers? Moreover, how will the F Plus readers respond to reading the okCupid profiles of the internet's most irritating nerds? The results shouldn't surprise you! This week, The F Plus looks at people who cannot possibly have sexually transmitted diseases.

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PROFILES READ, IN ORDER

  1. Blair Hippo
  2. BlutFatal
  3. FoxSazer
  4. darkwolfe23
  5. GoDz-sOn
  6. mc8bit
  7. BVegas1982
  8. code-cat
  9. DrJalapeno
  10. Mysteriousmark4
  11. wisdomrider
Music Used:
  • Al Green - I'm So Tired Of Being Alone
  • Harry Nilsson - One
  • REM - Romance

ADDITIONAL IRRITANTS

BUT FOR ACTUALLY GOOD READING...

I do unironically love okTrends, which is an infrequently updated blog put out by some of the OKcupid code analysts. I'd particularly recommend The Real Stuff White People Like, Gay Sex vs. Straight Sex and The Best Questions For A First Date. It's mathematically-based sociology, and it's got a healthy amount of snark as well.

Last Updated on Friday, 03 February 2012 10:46
 

Episode 47: In The World of Dragon Dildos, Is The Chin-Wattle Man King?

READERS: Boots Raingear, John, Acierocolotl, Kumquatxop, STOG, Portaxx, Victor Laszlo, and Lemon.

Recorded by Boots Raingear, Edited by STOG

I'd like you all to think back to the time that you were at an adult video store browsing the various "marital aids" that the store had available. Don't be shy to admit it, we're all friends here! Now... you remember looking at some of the more ridiculous products and giggling with your significant other over the thought of "Who would actually buy this thing?" This episode is like that, but way worse. We're focusing on the community of Bad Dragon, an online retailer of sex toys accurately modeled after the genitals of creatures that don't actually exist. This week, The F Plus visits the astral plane and gets busted by vice cops.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER

CAUTION: Horrible product photos and brain-melting anime porn will be visible at most of these links.

  1. Product Description: The Anthro Dragoness
  2. Product Description: The Tentacle
  3. Product Description: Virgil The Drippy Dragon
  4. Product Review: Drippy Dragon~Medium~ 5 firmness~black by smexbunneh
  5. Story Review: Anthro Dragoness by Ridley Frostfang
  6. RP Anyone? by Moonlight Vamp
  7. Cum Lube Gallon Kits by Varka (the Bad Dragon founder)
  8. Dildo Soup by ThreeFingers
  9. Worst thing ever! by Pendragon ICE
  10. What would happen if.....? by ReptileArmy, Timbe, tl1ksdragon, Persian, popo, Willow, SyncMaster and Shaminar
  11. OOPS, Stuck by Willer, Quail, Torakazu, Sindorei and Ruffe Husky
Music Used:
  • Enter The Dragon Theme
  • Sisqo - Unleash The Dragon
  • Peter, Paul and Mary - Puff The Magic Dragon

ADDITIONAL FUN HORROR

Last Updated on Saturday, 14 May 2011 19:49
 

Episode 46: A Man Short On Charm



READERS: Boots Raingear, Bunnybread, Isfahan, Jack Chick, John, Portaxx Squiddy McEnnui and Lemon.

Recorded by Boots Raingear, Edited by Lemon

The PUA (pick up artist) Community is filled with self identified experts on bedding women, all jockeying for prominence and trying to sell basically the same book. How does one peacock his way to notoriety and celebrity status to be identified as an alpha-PUA? Well, if you're tonight's subject (a man named Roosh V), you do it by spending most of your time banging away at your blog, and trying to find the best font for the "I HATE WOMEN" sign that you hang over your head. This week, The F Plus congratulates American women for making this guy leave the country.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER

  1. The Relationship Between Femininity & Education
  2. Treating Girls Like A Dick
  3. Never Tell A Girl You've Been In Love Before
  4. Why Mediocre Women Desire Hot Men (plus some reader comments)
  5. Turning Potential Insults Into Game
  6. How To Tell A Girl What You Do
  7. Are You A Real Man?
Music Used:
  • Ben Folds Five - Bitches Ain't Shit (Cover)
  • Cracker - It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself
  • Dead Boys - What Love Is
  • Tullycraft - Mental Obsession
  • Queen - Play The Game
  • The Suburbs - Crazy Job
  • Tiara Nicole - Real Man
  • The Cramps - All Women Are Bad
  • A.C. - I Respect Your Feelings As A Woman

  • (man I use a lot of songs in my edits)

ADDITIONAL FUN

  • As of this posting, Roosh's most current post is called Feminism Killed The Nice Guy. See, while Roosh agrees with some aspects of feminism, he notes "As long as women retain suffrage, our politicians will continue to appease them for votes by refusing to scale back anti-man laws." Thanks a lot, Nineteenth Amendment.
  • Roosh's guide on rating girls. A mathematician would assume that on a 1-10 scale, the number 5 would be average. For Roosh, 5 means "Studying her movements wouldn’t get your dick hard. You’d have to at least make eye contact with her taint to get the penis blood flowing."
  • This post, quite simply, is titled Never Listen To A Woman.
Last Updated on Friday, 03 February 2012 10:57
 

Episode 45: It's Only Supernatural

Readers: Boots Raingear, Bumpgrrl, Bunnybread, Jack Chick, John, Portaxx and Lemon

Recorded by Boots Raingear, Edited by John

Ew. Quit it. Ew. Quit it.

For those unfamiliar with it, Supernatural is a television show about two hunky guys who fight monsters. Pulling from The CW's demographic of sexually frustrated young women with disposable income, it's a show with a fan base of a surprising number of pervy women who want to see the two hunky guys do it with each other. You'd think these women would be deterred by the fact that the hunky guys are actually brothers, but apparently that makes it better. This week, The F Plus looks at Wincesters until we reach for our Winchesters.

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CONTENT READ, IN ORDER

  1. Definition: Wincest at the Supernatural Wiki
  2. Selections from The Supernatural Story Finder Livejournal
  3. Selections from The Supernatural Kink Meme Livejournal
  4. Selections from various Supernatural fanfics
If, for some reason, you don't want to spend a few hours scouring the livejournal communities for the correct reference to gay incest, here's a readalong document with only the content we read.
    Music Used:
    • Virginia Tingley - The Ballad of Jensen and Jared
    • Olivia Chrestomanci - Fight Them Hellhounds, Dean
    • (both acquired from the list of original fan songs.)

    ADDITIONAL FUN

    The Ackles Ass Equation

    I said yesterday that I would figure out the equation to Jensen Ackles' ass (hereby referred to as THE ACKLES ASS EQUATION), and now I've got it! I thought about explaining how I derived this equation, but figured not enough of you care to follow, so I won't waste anyone's time (but if you want me to explain it to you, feel free to ask).

    Above is a lovvvely picture of Jensen Ackles' BEAUTIFUL spinal column with a grid super-imposed atop it and a red line marking the curve of his spinal column. *TOUCH*

    SO HOT.

    And here's the equation to create such a curve:

    y=-(sin(x^(1.7/6)+4)+(1/x))+10

Last Updated on Friday, 03 February 2012 10:59
 

F Plus Stickers: Batch One

The stickers are here! The stickers are here!

The mailman knocked on the door today and delivered me a package. 200 waterproof full color 2"x2" stickers printing on soft vinyl, featuring a chocolate eating monster that Portaxx drew. I love these stickers very much, and I think you might love them too.

If you agree that might be the case, I am happy to provide them for you. What I need you to do is send an e-mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , and I'll fill you in on the process of how to get your hands on these (hint: It requires writing an address down on a piece of paper).

Oh! And if you were one of those thoughtful people who wrote a $Bill style review to iTunes or the like, please do let me know, so I can give you an extra little bit of love.

Sound good? Good! Then let's go through this batch o' stickers, so we can print another batch!

Last Updated on Friday, 22 April 2011 17:05
 

Episode 44: How To Listen To A Podcast

Readers: Boots Raingear, Bumpgrrl, Bunnybread, Jack Chick, Victor Laszlo, John, Jimmyfranks and Lemon

Recorded & Edited by Boots Raingear

Hello I am a podcast. STEPS

Find a podcast. There are quite a lot of podcasts on the internet. Try to find one. Listen to the one you want to listen to. If you like The F Plus podcast, you should listen to the F Plus Podcast.

Listen to the podcast. Using a program that allows you to listen to a podcast, listen to a podcast. Try to listen to the podcast with your ears, and try to enjoy listening to the podcast that you're listening to.

Quote the podcast incessantly. When talking with your friends, try to shout out certain catchphrases from the podcast. If the people around you also listen to the podcast, you can quote the podcast to each other over and over again, hopefully infuriating the one person who hasn't listened to the podcast as well.

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No. Not that.

CONTENT READ, IN ORDER

  1. How To Stop Being Racist
  2. How To Stop Staring At A Girl's Boobs
  3. How To Be A Wizard
  4. How To Get Your Husband To Stop Looking At Porn
  5. How To Be A Punk
  6. How To Live In A Haunted House
  7. How To Deal With Girls Calling You A Slut
  8. How To Remove A Tattoo At Home With Salt
  9. And then a whole bunch of titles of other HowTo guides available on WikiHow.
    Music Used:
    • Buddy Holly - Tell Me How
    • TMBG - Your Racist Friend
    • Sugar - I Can't Help You Anymore
    • Jane's Addiction - Thank You Boys

    ADDITIONAL FUN

    • You know what? All you really need is this link right here. That is the Random Article link on WikiHow (found near the top-right section of each page). You might not find that link will give you something wonderful every time, but it will give you something wonderful at least every third time.
Last Updated on Friday, 03 February 2012 11:05
 


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